A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After being with my boyfriend for eleven months, we were on the computer together. He was going through emails and I happened to catch a glance at something. Knowing he would flip out if I brought it up that exact second, I wanted to do a little research. After he left for work that day, I got back on the pc, went to his hotmail, and started looking around. I found out that he'd been emailing someone off an online game that he plays. His first email to her was telling her "haven't seen you on the game recently, and no pics :/" and of course she sent him one, asked for one, and he sent her one. After telling her how ("damnnn your fine") good she looked, etc. I started thinking. Maybe, if he'd tell me about her, I would try and act like it didn't happen. But I asked him if he had anything to tell me and he said "No. not unless you've been snooping!".Doesn't it say it all right there? "not UNLESS". But he kept denying it when I brought that point out. To this day, I still haven't told him I know about her. I don't know how to bring it up. We will most likely break up over it, (this isn't the first incident). No matter what he does wrong though, he will find a way to turn the tables so that I did something wrong.I found the email? Well I shouldn't of snooped.I found the porn? Well I shouldn't of snooped.Please help me, what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your help! There are some answers I really appreciated. Keep up the good advice!
A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl +, writes (8 October 2010):
porn= im shocked you dont watch it and ummm the email...so what? you are seriously telling me you didnt ever flirt back with anyone while they flirted with you first AND voluntarily told them you are taken if you werent asked?!
If yes, then you are LOYAL and he is NOT and you need to LOSE him!
If no, Let it go! hes with you, emails dont physically bring you together ...
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A
female
reader, blahblahblahh  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Well the way I look at it, if you're in a serious mature and healthy relationship, you should not have anything to hide. It's not like you went looking at his emails on a random snoop, something suspicious caught your eye and you looked into it, like anyone would and should. I think looking at your partners emails without reason to is wrong and an invasion of privicy, everyone needs their friends from time to time to talk to in private. BUT when you have reason to be suspicious it is definatly okay to look into it. I'd say you'd be a fool not to.What your boyfriend done was wrong, he should not talk to other people in a flirting mannor, and he should definatly not talk to other women unless you are aware of this and okay with this. He most definatly should not be telling her things like that and requesting pictures. This is not acceptable behaviour in a relationship, he does not respect you.In my opinion it is a form of cheating, and I would allready be telling him where to go. Him blaming you for 'snooping' and denying things and telling you there's nothing for him to confess to unless you've been snooping, is manipulative and controlling behaviour. He has complete power over his wrong actions because you're letting him walk all over you and he seems to have you wrapped round his little finger.You have to stand up to him. Be firm and tell him you have every right to 'snoop' when you suspect something isn't right, and that, you have found the evidence of. My advice to you is that you should part ways and find yourself a mature man that doesn't mess you about. Don't put up with controling immature behaviour, because before you know it, that will become the norm.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): You breached his trust by looking into his email. However, when he got the chance to respond, his response was essentially: "No, I haven't been caught... unless I've been caught, in which case, I've been caught."
You should tell him you snooped, apologize, and ask what's up with the girl. If not, this will fester and eventually come out sideways later on when it's too late.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (8 October 2010):
 either confront him now about it, or let it go a bit longer and do some intense snooping to find out what really is going on and collect some ammunition in case y ou need to dump him over it. It was your gut feeling that led you to 'snoop' but hey, I would do that myself if i thought something wasnt right. We have to protect ourselves from these things. Too many people are doing things behind their partners backs on line and getting away with it, don't let him do that to you.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Find a new boyfriend.
If you don't even feel comfortable enough to have an open and honest conversation with the guy then why are you still in a relationship with him? You say he's done this before, and now it's happening again? This isn't an isolated incident, this is known as behavior. You're worried about him turning the tables on you? Who cares? The truth is you caught a glimpse as he was flipping through while you were looking and you felt too scared to say something then. Usually only guilty people go on the defensive and flip things around. Are you saying you'd rather not know the truth?
The longer this relationship goes on the more you will learn to just accept him for who he is and the harder it will be to break it off later. I'm not saying just breakup with him, but you need to be able to talk to him. Try talking to him, if he causes problems then it's not your fault.
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