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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been married for 10yrs(most of it happy,some of it difficult)trouble is I have been attracted to our friend, matt (my hubbys best friend,best man at our wedding)for some years and so far all i am guilty of is a little flirting.butI'm going to a concert with matt soon (Hubby doesn't like my kind of music).However this flirting has been getting more explicit over the last few months and i have the feeling that matt will make a move on me at the concert.OH My God I am sooo worried!!! not that he will try it on but because i find myself wanting him too and cant wait for it to happen!!What is wrong with me!!!I am now arguing with my hubby and not showing him the affection i used to when we are out or on our own.I find myself telling Hubby that i love him but feel as if i'm just trying to convince myself that its true because i am thinking of matt all the time!!i know i shouldn't let anything happen with matt but i feel so sure that he will try it on and i know i'll let him!!i am soo mixed up !! I just dont know what to do!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006): susie767..thats just it..i dont know if these are feelings of love or lust!!the more i try to stop thinking of matt the more i want him..its unlikely i'll ever leave the marriage..we have two boys together and they deserve a happy and stable family(hubby was married previously with two other kids and divorced his wife ...they were both having affairs)but he said he never loved his first wife and that he does love me. i dont even know if matt fancies me for real or if its just fun for him..how can i find out without wrecking everything!!if i was sure there was something it might be easier to make a decision..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006): Come up with answers to the following two questions:
1) Why did you accept your husband's proposal, or what was the reason you proposed to your husband?
2) Besides love, what do you think is the foundation of your marriage?
The battle you fight is within your head. If your answers don't alleviate the feelings of guilt, your internal struggle will cause your marriage to fail because the struggle will eventually become external. The fights are a symptom of the struggle being acted out.
Also bear in mind that your husband trusts you and his best mate. If you choose to have an affair, you will wreck a bunch of lives. And after all of that damage you may find that the grass is not always greener.
Be honest as you think about the answers to the two questions. They will help you decide the fate of your marriage. If you don't want to stay married, then get a divorce before pursuing Matt. If you do want to stay married, you may need to go to counselling to save the marriage. Your husband is already aware that you are drifting away from him.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 April 2006):
 Don't go to the concert!!!
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A
female
reader, Suzie767  +, writes (5 April 2006):
 This is avery difficult situation. You dont want to hurt anybody, especially yourself! You have to follow your heart. Are you just attracted to this guy or do you have real feelings for him? Do you still love your husband and see yourself being with him at old age? An affair with your husbands best friend is not a good idea however if you really do have feelings fo this Matt you should consider ending your current relationship before you begin a new one. This may hurt your husband but is better than cheating on him. Stop seeing this concert as a deadline that will bring matters to a head. Think more long term. Give yourself all the time you need to make your decision and if your decision isnt made before the concert make sure he gets the message from the off that nothing will happen at the concert (you can do this with your body language, you dont need to say it out loud) Just remember that some people have found their life partners from the exact same situation that you are in. And some people get very hurt. Just be sensible.
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (5 April 2006):
 Hey there,
I think that you are forgetting one little
commitment which could mean alot....Marriage??
Not to be mean but you married your partner whom you are supposed to Love, Honour, Cherish and always be there for and all you can think about is your husbands best friend..
You have to understand that If you go ahead with this (if it happens) then you loose your husband, you also break up a friendship, and a marriage, Not worth it pet for one night.. Im not saying dont go to the concert but your husband obviously trusts you so dont break that unless there are difficulties in your marriage..
It has been known to work if you spend more quality time with your husband, maybe this is why you find this man attractive? Try to do special little things for him, after all he is the one you married not the friend..
Good Luck
Jacqueline
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