A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: What does my ex boyfriend want from me? How do you distinguish between still having feelings for your ex, and just still being attracted to the things that made you fall for them in the first place? I've been on the fence about my feelings for my ex since we broke up in October. We're close friends who have sex a lot, which I know is unhealthy. He knows how I feel because I sort of asked him out 2 weeks ago but he turned me down because he said he needed to sort out his own problems before being in a relationship, but since then we've been that much more close and romantic towards each other. I know he's into another girl, and I'm second best at the moment. But at the same time it was me who he rang up in the middle of the night in tears when he was going through a rough time instead of turning to the other girl. What does he want from me? He doesn't have any good friends and it's me who he turns to when he's got problems and wants to talk, we know eachother inside out and we're physically attracted to eachother. We agreed that we make a fantastic couple but we don't cope when we're under stress and it tears us apart. Is it that he has strong feelings for me but is more level headed than me in that he knows we fail as a couple, so doesn't persue it? I really care about him like I would a friend or family member so I can't just stop seeing him altogether, even though I know that's probably the healthiest thing to do.
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female
reader, AngelEyes420  +, writes (5 February 2007):
I think you are setting yourself up for disaster. What if you continue the kind of relationship you have now. Eventually he may get closer to this other girl who you said yourself he puts before you. That will only end up hurting you more, and you'll feel like a fool and that you let him use you. Don't be like me and make the mistake of putting his well being ahead of your own, I did and I got screwed! He ended up cheating on me when we were back together. I shouldn't have put myself in that position, and you shouldn't either. You know what you're doing is bad, Its just so hard to realize it's may be over. But really, you are just making things worse for yourself. Until you're not attracted to him anymore, you should keep your distance. If he cares about you he will understand, its not like he's not moving on with this other chick.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
 If you want to continue to be friends with him then there's absolutely no reason why you can't but it MUST be on a plutonic basis only. Giving him more ie sex, is only screwing him up.
He feels comfortable with you and can talk to you, he's known you longer than this other girl and he knows you know how he ticks, that's why he comes to you with his problems. Let him know you're there for him but ONLY as a friend and keep it like that.
In time if he finds he does want more from you then you can evaluate the situation again as your feelings might have changed with time and you'll see him as just a good friend.
Eve
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Your ex seeks comfort from you, nothing else.
He feels safe in sharing his "not so good moments" with you without the commitment because he can, because you let him.
If you are really his good friend, let him deal with it on his own two feet.
He is into another girl and you being there readily available just sends him in a loop.
Also to safeguard your feelings, you need to let go so that you do not get hurt. You already like him more than he does you. Either way he is not ready for a relationship, nothing you can do or say will make him ready any quicker.
The healthiest thing is to remain friends but without the sex.
Angel of Love x
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