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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My ex broke up with me today. He had given up some friends, because those guys were friends with an ex friend with benefits of mine.This thing about my ex friend with benefits has been Hell for us. He got very jealous and upset when he found out, because this was the guy that introduced us. The friendship with benefits had been years prior to meeting him, so it held no meaning for me anymore. I was just friends with that guy.Lately we had been having a good progress (or so I though) regarding this, as we hadn't argued. He had even told me that everything was great and he felt we were moving forward. So I felt that asking him whether he missed his old friends or not (notice that he gave them up because he wanted to).He was so upset and turned the tables. He asked me whether I missed my ex frend with benefits, or if I missed sucking his c***k, etc (I gave him oral sex once). He asked me whether I missed making out with strangers. I did this twice when I was single. He always looked donw on me because of this, he thought it meant I was easy and immoral. Please note that he knows all of this because he asked.He was my first bf. When he first asked about my ex friend with benefits, he did so in an accusatory tone so I lied, because I knew he wouldn't handle the truth well. Ok, so I came clean, and he didn't handle it well and started judging me digging up the past and thinking less of me, even though I was a virgin.There's this girl he used to like. She liked him too. A month ago he went to her house past midnight behind my back to help her with some paper. I had stopped talking to everyone related to my past, and so had he at least with this girl because she still flirts with him.Well now he broke up with me and told me that he'll go back to her because she didn't lie to him and he's already chosen that she's better. I'm so hurt. He said I never respected him because I talked to my "exes" just like that, with no respect in front of him. Well, he spoke to his exes too, and I ain't complaining! He told me that he was a fool because he never knew this guy was my ex... well I never knew his exes were exes after he told me either. And he says it's worse because this guy wasn't even my bf, and I say it's better because I was never in love with him. Well he's made up his mind and heart and is now going back to that girl. How am I supposed to deal with this?
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broke up, flirt, friend with benefits, his ex, jealous, my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 We all got different images of how we expect our partner to be, not just in the present or future but also how they behaved in the past.
Would you be comfortable with for instance dating a gigolo or a nazi-supporter even if this was in the past? Some would, some wouldn't.
He got issues with your past, there is nothing you can about your past anymore and there is nothing you can do to change him.
So there is nothing to do but get over it and hope that next time you meet someone who wants you for who you are.
As for your "past" you gave oral sex for someone you were just friends with as a young girl and a virgin. I am not that suprised your ex has problems with that, it is a bit different from usual. Lots of people have sex, but at least women your age tend to do it out of love. FWB is something that experienced women have, doing it as a virgin seems to be the wrong way around.
Accept that others will judge for your past, that is their freedom just as you are free to reject those who can't accept it.
Basically, you two tried and it didn't work out, cry, get over it and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Well, anon, what can anyone say? When you play these games in a close community where everyone knows everyone else, it is going to get "messy". Even ex's are still around and you will keep meeting up with them. So will your "present". It can be hard for a present to deal with. This is why so many people wind up married or in relationships with people they did not grow up with or know before they left home. Maybe it is the best that it is that way. There was a time when most people settled down with those they had known all their lives. But, those days are passing.
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