A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband had been caught out having affairs since then we have been trying to talk things through but always end up rowing with him lashing out he throws things somethimes he hits me threatens to kill me,he gets into such a rage i dont think he knows what he doing or what he has done.Last nite we were sitting watching the telly there was a part that related to what we are going though so i asked him a question about one of his affairs i was trying to understand how he could do that to me if he loved me like he said he does,he gave me his reply and i said you told me something different when i asked before, all of a sudden he stood up and threw the chair and turned to me grabbing me by my clothes and shaking me like i was a rag doll(even though i class my self as a heavy person)he cupped my face in his hands and the words that came out of his mouth things like f..king bitch, c..t, bast..d, i dont know where all this has come from.He told me to phone the police before he did something he regret but he pulled the phone out of the socket and threw it breaking the phone,after all this he calms down and starts crying saying how sorry he is and it wont happen again(but it does and its getting worse)I really love him and i no i wont be able to make it on my own i dont know what to do.what i want to know is can a person really love you if they treat you like this?He is the one that had affairs if he really wanted to leave me he would off do you think or am i kidding myself,why else would he stay,he says he will never cheat on me again.He also said he would not hit me again but he has please give me your honest view as to what i should do.I need your advice desprately.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): Hi, I don't know whether he's in love with you anymore but one thing is for sure..........physical violence is a sure marriage killer. crying is for babies, and he may think that once the flood gates open he can "manipulate" himself into your good graces again.
there is lots of work to do in this marriage, try counselling as a first option but for this to work, both sides will have to give 100%. trust has to be rebuilt, and please no more lies and deceit.
All the best. I hope that it works out, if YOU CHOOSE that it's not, then at least you tried.
A
female
reader, pinktink1 +, writes (1 April 2009):
I dont think its a case of does he love you or not its a situation that's not right and should not be happening!!!!! Iv just walked away from a relationship like this one and yes its hard but now im a better person for it. Maybe leave and tel him that you love him but ur no going to live like this anymore!! Tel him to get professional help. The rates for domestic violence are high at the min and I really think you need to get out, talk to friends or family, if its too hard to talk to them there are domestic violence help lines, please do something about it and just get the courage you need to help urself. Whising you well, please take care x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): Good Day ma'am! I'm only 14 years old. but i know how you feel about you're situation, 'Coz my mom feel it too.. My mom and dad have been arguing for over six months now. Basically, my dad is a hard working person.He manages our own business. he is drinking,smoking,but no girls before. We are a happy family, we go out evey sunday for our family day. But, One day, Our business is in bank crop condition. Many things change. He don't even make some options for us to survive, and the sad things had happened. Me and my siblings stop studying, we are all in private/international school. But we don't have any choices but to accept the fact. That we can't go to school anymore because of my dad. My mom started working. for us to still eat. while my dad is watching us everyday not going to school, and can't get what we wanted. Then. One day my dad is hooked to internet chatting using my laptop. He chatted with a girl, and had a relation very quick.. their chat session started from morning to night, and i was complaining to my mom, that i wanted to use my laptop. And, my mom talk to my dad, and said. who are you talking to? my dad stand up and said.. "Please don't talk". my mom answered "why?" and my dad. cannot answer my moms question. Then, curiosity strikes after my mom. My mom checked the screen of my laptop and saw that my dad is having a video call chat with that girl.. My mom was shocked after reading their conversations..Then, my mom is still cool. and my dad is very guilty. he shouted at my mom. and stoop up, and get all his this, and pack up. He left us that night.and the next day, we just receive a call from my uncle, that my dad is in their house with a girl..----------------------------------------so many thing had happened,----------------------------------------after 1 and a half month.. we just know that the girl is already pregnant.my mom don't know what to do.. and my dad is keep on saying to my mom that he really loves my mom. which he does before.. but when he met that girl..he's love to my mom faded away like the ashes in the water.----------------------------------------------------but now, my mom is starting to move on.and we have a good life now.without my dad.-----------------------------------------------------hope our story inspired you! just wanted to share.. .. godbless you ma'am..
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A
female
reader, kya-girl  +, writes (1 April 2009):
hey darl,i've noticed a few other posts say that he doesnt love you, and thats defnately a horrible thing to hear someone tell you...and it probably wont help you at the moment. i think going on a forum definately shows you tryna seek help, and thats a great first step! but if he is being violent towards you in anyway you should get out as soon as you can. even if that means staying at a friend or relatives place for a while. if you feel you want to tell him first, explain to him that you need to spend some time with your friend/relly to work some stuff out with them.if he can let you go and reacts peacefully, maybe theres a chance you could work something out, if not look at getting some sort of professional help so you can understand whats going on. hope this helps you make your decision.
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A
female
reader, asian  +, writes (1 April 2009):
The cheating is one thing you may find the strength to forgive him for and look at it as a mistake but where the hitting is concerned that's dead wrong and who says he won't do it again.. I think if someone has done you wrong and they really love you they should be humble and simply fill you in on the thing you want to know in order for you to have closure
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): Seems like your relationship is stuck in a destructive cycle. I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this abuse and I hope that the responses willboost you enough to take action to end this.
Nothing in this relationship is ever going to change with your hope and love alone. Unless this man takes action himself to work on his anger manangement problem he will continue to beat you and every other woman he has a relationship with. You have made it sound like he is unwilling to do this so you really only have two options
- do nothing and continue to be abused like you have been doing;
or (and I really beg you to do this)
- take action to put your own safety first and foremost and get out of this today; in the UK you can contact Woman's Aid (the website is www.womensaid.org.uk) and it has tons of helpful info that will show you just how much danger you are in and that you really are being abused; but more importantly it has local contact numbers so you could be out of this so, so quickly.
You taking such drastic action may (and I mean only may) kick start him into accepting he has major problems and needs professional help. Even if he does embark on this tough journey, you still should not return to the relationship till he is well onto the road of recovery and you have attended at least several of his appointments with him.
As it stands, this man is either going to give you and STD or a punch in the face. It is so far from what love is and should be.
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A
female
reader, Shweta_aqua +, writes (1 April 2009):
And I must tell you. I knoew a woman who was murdered ( this Jan) by her husband who was jealous, possesive and all you can imagine. Don't think it can't happen coz trust me I knew a person who was murdered.
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A
female
reader, Shweta_aqua +, writes (1 April 2009):
Hi, read my posts. My husband is somewhat similar but not as violent. If you read my posts it might help. If he injures you , walk out, see a counsellor. you have a problem and you need professional help but only if doesn't hit you. if he hits you you need to leave.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 April 2009):
You are such a classic case of this.
He does not love you.
You say you will not be able to make it on your own. But you give no reason for that and I'll tell you why.
The only reason you think you couldn't "make it" being single is because he has made you feel so crap about yourself.
You won't die or starve to death just because he is not in your life. In fact you'll be a lot happier.
Please please please put the name of your town and domestic violence into google and get help.
He will get worse and he WILL kill you. 2 women in the UK die from this EVERY WEEK so don't think it couldn't go that far.
Good Luck!! xx
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