A
female
age
26-29,
*ish Say Moo
writes:I know there is a longer version of this story but that was getting ignored and neglected so please read this one:)a friend is going to ask me out on tuesday but i dont like him like that but i do really like his best friend and im pretty sure he likes me back:) anyway i dont think the guy i like knows i like him and he might think i dont want a boyfriend after rejecting the other guy but i do. were both superduper shy on the 'love' topic and i dont think either of us has the corage to ask the other out (especially me) so please help me cause i dont know what to do....i could try to hint that i really really like him?? Thanks peeps that answer and grr to those who dont.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Stop being a drama queen. Dating another guy, as in going out on a date is not "using" him. It's called dating, not falling in love and riding off into the sunset.
You obviously haven't learned the difference or how to handle yourself around boys. What I said is that two guys would have talked about a girl they both find attractive, and his friend has the go ahead on asking you out, because the guy you like is OK with it, he doesn't care that much. He's a boy. He probably isn't going to obsessively think and worry about you or even want you as a girlfriend. He may not want any girl for a girlfriend because girls your age are a pain in the ass to a boy who wants to play video games with his friends or hang out with them without girls, sorry but it's true.
And there again the drama so you can excuse yourself from responsibility for anything, you didn't choose to fall in love with his best friend, whatever girl, you aren't in love with either one of them, you have a strong infatuation based on fantasies you have going on in your own head. The only way to check whether or not this guy feels the same way about you is to Ask him and then listen to what he says. Don't go through the other guy to find that out by telling him why you won't go out with him. You'll look like a damn fool....ask the one you want, and if you have to wait for him to ask you out, then that is what you do. You can go out with another guy, not to make him jealous, but because you want to have some fun with a friend who is a boy.....K?
A
female
reader, Fish Say Moo +, writes (12 July 2010):
Fish Say Moo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry i just can not go out with another guy--it wouldnt feel right and i dont really want a boyfriend to be a waste of time.. i dont want to hurt the guy who likes me out so i will only go into reasons if he wants to know....... and the best friend who i like would not tell his friend if he liked me because he would not want to stop him from asking me out or making him jelous and all that stuff but i cannot choose a guy!! i dont know where you got that idea about 'go out with some other dude that is not in their circle, that should give every one the idea that you go out with guys...K?' because it would be using the poor guy and i have tried--believe me, to fancie someone else but that lasted a day and there is no-one else out there for me but him that i have found--i know that sounds all cheesy and stuff but its true.. and i am NOT trying to put myself between them because i do love them both, but not in the same way. and i dont think that he would feel too offended if i like another guy rather than him because if he really loved me then he would want the best for me and his friend, and he is not the selfish type and stuff, hes just not for me:(
not quite sure you know the situation or know what it is to love somebody. i didnt choose to love him.. if i could chose it would be the guy who likes me for sure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): I don't agree that you need to go into the reasons why you won't go out with him and to selfishly put yourself first because you some how irrationally think that you turning him down will mean that you are not interested in any other guy or in having a boyfriend is just plain, well, stupid.
Don't tell him someone else has your heart, he doesn't. You aren't dating his best friend, don't know if the friend returns your feelings, and my guess is he doesn't as I am sure that if he did, his "best friend" would not be asking you out. They may both think you are a cool girl, but the guy asking you out has made his feelings known to his friend. It isn't cool to try and come between them by telling him you like the other guy.
Just tell him you'd rather not go out with him, that you don't want to ruin your friendship and that you like him as a great friend, be nice, but don't go into your reasons, that isn't for him to know.
You aren't obligated to date anyone, nor obligated to give a reason why not.
As for his best friend that you have your eye on, just back off and let things take their course....give it some time in other words, and go out with some other dude that is not in their circle, that should give every one the idea that you go out with guys...K?
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A
female
reader, Fish Say Moo +, writes (11 July 2010):
Fish Say Moo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow.. thanks peeple:) you have been so helpful and i am glad for honest answersxx
To imhisworld: by the way i do know him very well and we do have similar intrests so that is allways good....
to midge: were really usefull and i will say that and i really hope the friend i like gets some hints that i do like him very much and stuff:)
another reason why i dont want to ask him out is that he didnt like his last girlfriend so they never did anything together and i want to know for certain that he loves me--not just pretending.. but the wory with that is that he might be waiting for the same excuse:/
more answers would be nice too people so dont see this and go she's allready got her answers so shell be fine--i want more options for me!!
THANKYOU SO MUCH XXX
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A
female
reader, I'mHisWorld +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Im new to this so dont know if my answer is any good to you but i think that you should maybe say to your friend that likes you that your really sorry but you already have your eye on someone else just tell him that it would be unfair of you to go out with him if u liked someone else.. And be sure to let him know that you would really love to stay friends with him. as for his friend just be cool get to know him before you jump in and make a move find things out about him. (if you havent already done so).. the bonus is if his friend likes you he probably told him how awesome you are and is probably a little bit interested already.
good luck let me know how things go as i said im new but im just telling you how i would do it! x
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Yeah, Ive been in the situation where Ive not liked the poor guy, and liked his friend. When he asked me out I said no, and your exact fear happened. His friend thought that I wasnt interested in having a relationship. So your fear is a realistic.
I have to say its a difficult situation because his friend (the one you like) might be apprehensive about asking you out because it might hurt his friends feelings.
If I had to do it again, although I like you, am very shy when it comes to the love topic, I would be honest. Although you might hurt this poor guys feelings, he will appreciate the fact that you have been honest. That way you could just say that although you like him as a friend, you dont feel that way about him, and actually fancy someone else. You dont need to say names unless he asks, in which case I would be honest because that way his friend would know how you feel and if his friend were to ask you out, he wouldnt feel gutted at the fact his friend is going out with you.
When you talk to him, be honest be also be very sensitive to his feelings because it will take him a lot of courage to ask you out. For him to be told that you arent interested is going to hurt him, but you just have to be honest and tell the truth. Tell him he is a wonderful guy, but unfortunately someone else has stolen your heart. If he hadnt stolen your heart, then perhaps you would be open to dating him.
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