A
female
age
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*isty817
writes:I wrote in before but did not give all the facts. Yes, I am married and so is he. Yes, we have been seeing each other for 3 years. He has told me many many times that he loves me and I him. He just told me last week that he told his wife he was not happy.She told him he has to stay with her for her security, the if he ever left her, she would make his life miserable and take him for everything he has. They have no sex. She does not like it and told him that they have their kids, that is what sex is there for and they did that. She told him that her friend said she and her husband don't have sex anymore and her husband does not care, so he shouldn't either. She takes an antidepressant is always tired and in bed by 7 at night. She is not into doing what he is interested in and when they go out with couples, she takes over. He cannot get a word in edgewise and when he does, she tells him why did you say that. He went to a marriage counselor and I am sure she told him to drop me if there is any chance of the marriage working, but in reality, can these problems be rectified and this marriage work. People are what they are and very rarely change. I know we could be happy together and I am sure he does too. His guilt is overtaking him and he feels like he should do the right thing, even though he is not happy. We could be very happy together but another thing he considered is wait until all his children are out of the house which would be in 3 years. He is not accepting my calls and has shut down but I know deep in his heart he misses me. I do not mind waiting it out so he can really see what he wants out of life. Please help me. I will always be there for him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): mentally and emotionally unstable. i get a feeling she is gloating when she responds. it is sad when a somewhat mature(?) 51-59 yr old married woman makes herself look like an idoit. she has refused to answer about the sate of her marriage and why she is still in it and whether she has any concern about her husbands wellbeing. all i hear is that she will get her married man. enough said.
A
female
reader, pebble  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 You sound mentally unstable. Honestly.
You're wasting your life. But whatever, it's your life.
Again, have fun waiting for the guy that is never to leave his wife. How sad that you'll settle to be nothing more than the other woman. I hope one day, when you wake up and you're 65 and still don't have your man, you realise.
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A
female
reader, disty817 +, writes (11 June 2009):
disty817 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI WILL WIN. MARK MY WORD. GOODBYE
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Well you have fun waiting and don't say you weren't warned.
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A
female
reader, disty817 +, writes (11 June 2009):
disty817 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI believe that people should be happy and not stay together for the wrong reasons. I have known many people in my lifetime that had serious illnesses, stayed in relationships that were not right and life went by and they never had any happiness. I am not controlling, but I can see the whole picture since I was in it and know what has been happening. It is not my decision, but his that counts. I can only hope that in time this man will see that life is passing him by and he has the right to be happy in his lifetime. His wife will survive. His kids will survive. She (his wife) is all about her. I, on the other hand, am all about him. I love him, and I know he loves me, but the end result is his. Do I want him? Yes
Do I love him? Yes. Whether it be now or much later, I know in my heart of hearts, that we will be together. I am willing to wait. So don't judge me, you don't know the whole story. In ever circumstance, just because you are married, doesn't make that the ONLY answer. I want to left alone to think by myself. These answers do not help since people do not know the total circumstances.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): naive, and disrespectful and so full of herself. very very controlling. no wonder he chose his wife!
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (9 June 2009):
Aren't you a little old to be so naiive?
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A
female
reader, disty817 +, writes (9 June 2009):
disty817 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI WILL GET HIM! BUT REMEMBER I DO LOVE HIM.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): What do you know..........I will pursue because ......End of story"
wow, well then why did you post twice about your affair. you were not satisfied with the answers you receoved on the 6th , then posted again on the 7th explaining your view of his marriage. you now have the audacity to be rude. just because i have not told you what you wanted to hear. well, please go ahead and do what you will, in any event you have not gotten your married man in the last 3 years, do you actually think you will get him in the end. yes, by hook or crook you will manipulate him and get thim but be careful he doesn't start hating you for your interference. you have no respect whatsoever for his decision. you want to prove that you can get him, but why such low self esteem. yes, you are hell bent to get him back even though he has cut all ties with you. your total and blatant disrespect for him and his choice has spoken volumes about you. what about your marriage. you are still married yet have obsessed with this other married man for so long. you care only for yourself and not about who you hurt in the process. so please release your husband so that he can find a decent someone to spend his golden years with. you seemed at first to be a mature woman (51-60 yrs ) but after reading i actually realised just how selfish and manipulative and greedy you are - its all about you, you want, want, want. when will it end? when you get this man? no, you will not be satisfied. you will ensure that you destroy him with your callous and controlling ways. maybe he also realises this therefore he is not with you. he actaully has a good reason for choosing his wife. you just cannot let go.
"What do you know", well i think i know that will manipulate and scheme to get back into his life. yes you will get him but when it goes horribly wrong, and it will, you then cannot blame anyone else but yourself. I am so puzzled by you- you want this married man, you initially said you don't want him to leave his wife, you have never mentioned anything about your marriage. so much of imbalance.
i wish you well and hope you do not get hurt any more than you actually have. sometimes we are the masters of our own downfall. please this is something to remember for your future. Take care.
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A
female
reader, disty817 +, writes (8 June 2009):
disty817 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do not hate his wife. What do you know. Maybe he is just staying there because of guilt. Does he not deserve any happiness? If he is staying there because it is the right thing to do and is not happy, then yes, I will pursue because I know we can be happy together.
End of story!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): your obsession with this married man must stop. your hatred for his wife- where do i even start? ENOUGH. she has every right to try to work this out- their way and not yours.your obsession and consumption with him is like a teenager but then you are not a child/teenager any more. its time to grow up and leave him alone.try working on the state of your marriage instead. spend qulaity time fixing what is wrong here, instead of trying to analyse this mans marriage. you youself seem very very controlling and youcannot take NO as his final anwswer. you will try whatever means you can to weave yourself into his life again. you are uncontrollable right now. you want, you need, you must have. maybe its also time for you to take stock of yourself and also go into counselling. yes you want this married man, but you cannot have him. he choose his wife. you have no concern of his state of mind, his guilt and his remorse. you are like a vulture attacking your prey. you take no prisoners. for goodness sake- what are you going to do qbout your husband or don't you care. i think it is the latter. your concern is very selfish, you depict yourself as unable to accpet that he wants out. you want to force his hand. you want to be with him at all costs. this man at least has a heart. what do you have. coldness, a hard heart who controls and demands. no wonder he choose his wife. at least allow him to be free of you. you need to sort of your life instead of trying to work some magic and get him back. he is not your prized posession. he is a man that has done wrong. he is trying to rectify same. respect him at least and allow him to be a decent man, that he is trying to be. your hatred for his wife is unjustified. and you know it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): if he doesn't want any contact with you then you must accept it. yes you say he is feeling guilty but are you also not making his guilt worse by refusing to admit that he has chosen and it is not you. in life we can always blame our partners but remember this - a relationship is about two, the moment a 3rd element interferes it is bound to put pressure on any relationship. i note that you have taken his word about his wife as the truth. are you sure there is no biasness in this. After all your lover has given you the "facts" about his wife. We are not children - if he really wanted to be with you he would make that decision. He would make that sacrifice. He would ensure that he does right by you. HE HAS NOT.WHY? Because he chose not to. Its been 3 yrs with your MM. So you want to wait 3 more until his kids are old enough. then what? Another excuse? Your MM just as he freely got involved with you, freely chooses to stay with his wife. You mention so much about the lack of sex in his marriage. If i am not mistaken is sex the no. 1 glue binding you and this man together. Then what more do you have with him,for him, if he getting everything else from his wife, and only the sex from you? Isn't this selfish of him? You only can decide what to do- but i think he has made his decision, You need to sadly come to terms with his decision and respect it. It means slowly weaning yourself from him and his marriage. Can you do this? You know that this is the only way forward. Please do not just blame, blame blame. Look at this situation realistically. He made a choice. And it is not you. It is sad but this is what he wants. I am sorry you wasted 3 yrs but at least it is not a lifetime.
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