A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently starting a serious relationship with a guy that I never thought was going to work out. We are doing well and he tells me everyday he is falling deeper and deeper in love with me. The problem is that I am in love with someone else. When he tells me he loves me I say it back because I do…but not as much as the other guy. I have fun when I’m with him and I like his company but I don’t feel that bond. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s not the same as with the other guy.The only reason the other guy and me haven’t dated was because of the distance. We both figure it wouldn’t work out so we keep in contact and call our relationship “complicated.” He dates other girls and I date other guys. But yet we both admit to each other that no matter whom we are with we still think of each other and even call each other plenty. He has told me he loves me and I haven’t been able to tell him only because it only hurts to know I will never really be able to be with him. We both attempted to stop any communication because we figure it was going to help to get over each other but it didn’t. We have been in this “complicated” relationship for 3 years now and every time that we do have a chance to see each other we do…and the sex is amazing. So is the small amount of time that we spend with each other. In case you were wondering the distance is due to the fact that were both in the military and we are stationed in different places. What do I do to the current relationship I’m in? I do have feeling for him and don’t want to lose him because of the other guy I just can’t get out of my mind.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): I really feel for you cause I'm in the other guys shoes and the girl I'm in love with tells me I love you back and I know that she does but she got preg with the other guy and 4 months after delivering made up with him while she and I were just developing our relationship. The hard part is we're roomates, she and I, in a house I own. I'll never ask her to leave, and she'd never want to as the house will be her childrens when I'm gone. This is something that I promised long before we got involved and I'm not one to take back such a thing. I love her dearly and her children. I've allowed her to move the Dad in and I've tried to form a freindship with him. He's aware of the relationship we were forming and the feelings we have for each other. She's told him that if she had to choose between us that he'd more than likely be left behind but for the sake of the child I've been willing to let them try to move forward together. It hurts real bad, you cant imagine. We still share moments together in what we call 'grey areas' but she wont be unfaithful to him sexualy and I wouldnt ask her to.We hug, kiss, and hold each other close from time to time just to comfort each other. She had talked with him about moving out together but then she saw what it was doing to me and couldnt fathom the idea of leaving. I'm glad she made this choice to stay here but I havent got a clue yet how this is all going to turn out. If they split I know I dont want to be the cause. I love her and will always be there for her and I appreciate all she does to show me that she really does love me and that she appreciates what I'm going thru for her. Maybe I'm mental, I dont know....but I really feel that this will bring us closer together.This seems more like it should be on the left side of your screen, but perhaps sharing my own issues will help you to decide how to best decide the road you take with these two guys. Love hurts, theres no denying that. True love will lead you to sacrifice something of yourself every time. Its up to you what sacrifices you'll make, but someone will always hurt from your choice.
A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (20 June 2010):
 How about being honest?
Tell the guy you're "currently in a relationship" with the STATUS of where you are. You really can't have it both ways. Pick one. If you're happier being in the "complicated" thing, then stay there. But make anyone else that you become involved with aware of that. Give THEM A CHOICE to get involved with you, it's only fair & right. It honestly seems like that's where your feelings are.
If you really want to end the complicated thing & settle for a REAL relationship, then do so. But I don't think that you should do it with this "current" guy. You say: "When he tells me he loves me I say it back because I do" & "I like his company but I don’t feel that bond"...that's not a good way to be in a relationship. You clearly are not on the same page as he is. So if you decide to have a solid relationship, I would suggest finding someone else.
You just need to make some choices.
Best of luck to ya!
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