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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I are both 20 years of age. We've been together for 2years and few months now. He used to be a nice person generally but lately he has become rude. He speaks disrespectfully about people and expects me to side with him otherwise the fight is between me and him. When things are not going well for him he takes out his stress on me and this has changed me to be a back chatter. We no longer talk about us, forget solving our problems. Whenever I visit him, he makes us watch movies or else he plays computer games. He has sexual problems that not many women can stand, his body size is small for me, but I've accepted that because I love him with everything I have but I'm afraid that he is slowly but surely changing my character. I no longer see us together in the future and it's difficult to tell this to him.I love this guy. How do I put this to him?
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female
reader, Ceilidh +, writes (25 November 2006):
Hi there,
I understand that you love this guy, but he sounds very controlling and manipulative. He takes his stress out on you. He is rude to you and to others and picks arguments with you when you stand up to him about his rudeness. He always dictates what you do when you spend time together. He also has some self-esteem issues with his body that it sounds like he perhaps takes out on you as well. You're afraid he is changing your character for the worse. And if you try to tell him any of these things, he won't listen.
You haven't said anything in your query that shows there is anything worthwhile about this guy. He used to be nice, and you love him. I think he has problems of his own he needs to deal with. He has anger management issues and self-esteem problems. But you aren't meant to be his emotional punching bag. You deserve to be happy, and he isn't making you happy. And he won't even listen to you if you try to tell him why he is making you unhappy.
I think you should let this relationship go. But if you're really anxious to tell him why there is no future there for you two, write it down in a letter or an e-mail to him. That way, he can rage all he wants, but he's away from you.
Wishing you happiness,
Ceilidh
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