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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. To start with, he was ambitious, with a good job until he quit. For the last year he is going through a stage where he doesn't want to get a job, and is constantly smoking Cannabis. I accept this, and am trying to help him to get him through this phase and to encourage him to get a job, but even though my parents accept this, my brother cannot accept him and is constantly telling me he thinks my boyfriend is ugly, and that he doesn't approve. The thing is, my brother was very similar to him when he was his age a couple of years ago, and smokes cannabis himself so I feel he's being a hypocrite. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle, as I don't want my family to dislike my boyfriend as I love him very much, and want to be with him for the rest of my life. I understand that my boyfriend has become very lazy but feel that his friends are a bad influence on him, but will not really listen to me about getting a job. I feel stuck in the middle as my family are constantly asking me when he'll get a job,but my brother is hurting me by calling my boyfriends family scum, and constantly criticising them and my boyfriend. I don't know what to do, please give me some advice.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 January 2006):
 Well sorry but your boyfriend does sound like a bum. He needs a boot in the butt. You aren't helping him either by defending his bad behavior. Who's footing the weed bills? If you are, you really are screwing things up. A year is a long time to be going through this phase as you call it, I'd call it a lifestyle. I'd tell him that you are going to walk if he doesn't straighten up and be prepared to do just that. That is unless you like his dependence on you.
A
female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (26 January 2006):
 Hey, I was put into a similar situation with my family. I know that it is very very hard explaining to your family about your bf, but if you are saying that your willing to spend the rest of your life with this man then I dont think that him sitting at home smoking cannabis is what you had in mind. You need to explain to your bf that he clearly need to get his life sorted out and although he is going through a phase, encourage him and tell him that if he loved you then he would do it for you and he would prove himself to you and your family. As for your brother I think that he needs to stop saying rude things about your bf nd I dont think that you should stand for it because as you said he was a lot like that not very long ago. Good Luck.
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