A
male
age
30-35,
*eildo_08
writes:So I've been in a relationship with a 35 year old man for over a year. He has 4 kids from a previous relationship, but I love him with all my heart. Being that I'm only 19 years old. I want a family of my own, but I've been having a strange feeling that when the time comes for me to have my own he wont love mine as he loves his own. Im in a really tough situation cause every time I see a baby I just go crazy! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tewebag +, writes (16 March 2009):
ok saw your followup. your seeing a guy and your a guy and you want your own baby? i dont know how you learned about sexual intercourse in schools, but you need an egg and a sperm together. not sperm and more sperm. but offically or unoffically adopt one of his children (or all of them) or just adopt a neww baby. but thats kinda hard to do with a same sex couple (much harder than hetrosexual in most places atleast) i had thought the male was a mistake on your thing. i really have no idea for you. sorry
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (15 March 2009):
 Enjoy your relationship and enjoy playing with kids. So have so much of your life ahead of you...don't be in such a hurry!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Is he married?
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (15 March 2009):
 He's too old and has too, too, too many kids. You're only 19, honey you're still young. You'll fall in love again. It's unfair to you to be in a relationship with a man with 4kids. I'm 26 and will not date someone with more than one kid. Let him go, he can find another woman who doesn't want kids or already has.
Wait for another love, someone you can start a family with. You can have your 1st child together.
You don't want to be stepmother to FOUR kids, no way. Do they have one mother.
You are only 19, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste anymore time with this man, it's not fair to you.
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A
male
reader, neildo_08 +, writes (15 March 2009):
neildo_08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm actually a guy just to let you know..way more complicated
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): you need to find someone your own age that has no kids. your asking for a lifetime of hurt and disapointment if you don't, there are too many factors working against you in this case. the age diffrence, if he's a man at all his kids will always come first, and so will their mother weather you like it or not. save your self the hurt and bringing an innocent child into that situation. children are precious and need a both parents. with four kids he's already spread thin as it is..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Do NOT marry this guy. He is too old for you. You and he are in VERY different places in your life, and you will always be in different places, with different wants and views. He already has his children, and now he's getting a young squeeze (you). You need to live YOUR life... meet someone closer to your age who wants the SAME things as you... it only gets harder as you go thru life with people who want such different things. You will become resentful, and probably end up a divorcee (i.e., baggage), attempting to live a life that you should have started earlier, but got delayed because of this guy you loved so much... please... He's too old for you. (I hope you're Mom and Dad are giving you the same advisde. Listen to them!)
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 Have you spoken to him about having children together? You must understand that when you have a baby, no matter how many other children you have, you will still love that child unconditionally because you made that life, they are part of you. So if you did have a child with this man, of course he will love the baby just as much as he loves his 4 kids.
Do you know if he actually wants more children in the future? After having 4 kids he might not want any more, this is why you need to talk to him about this. If he is a responsible man then he wont want children with you at the moment, because you are still so young and not ready to be a mother. When you do talk to him, dont scare him by going on about how much you want a baby. Just explain that when you are older (at least 5 years older), you would like to have children. Tell him that you love him and see yourself being with him for a long time, but you want to make sure that he wants the same things as you. This way you will find out how he feels without looking like your a desperate young girl wanting a baby!
I hope you do realise you are too young at the moment to be responsible for a baby, a child needs a stable family with enough money to look after that child. So you need to have a stable job because your partner will already be financially strained with his 4 children.
A child is a wonderful thing but the time needs to be right, you have not been with this man long enough to be sure that you will stay together forever. And if you do really love each other then you can wait to have a baby, waiting will only mean your child has a better chance in life.
Talk to your boyfriend, I'm sure you will get a better idea of what he wants and you can be sure that you want the same things.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Tewebag +, writes (15 March 2009):
its normal for you to go crazy over a baby at your age. your programmed to reproduce as young as possible when your more fit and able to run away from the giant bear thats about to eat you. hopefully you dont live where a bear will eat you daily, but with the rest of us normal people. but the problem is that that is still programmed into are bodies even though we dont have to reproduce like we used to when humans where younger (the race). it will fade away but not completly.
if hes a good man he will love your child (his hopefully) as much as his other children. but talk to him about having a baby with him.
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