A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of one year has been accusing me of cheating on him on a daily basis (this is not an exaggeration, no matter how badly I wish it was). As of lately, it has felt as though there is some chemical switch in my brain that causes me to absolutely freak out whenever he accuses me. I have never been unfaithful to anyone nor would I ever be. However, I have also started to have dreams about being unfaithful, they are more like nightmares. And during the day, that is what I think about - cheating. I would never do it. I suppose that my question is: are my thoughts normal or am I really someone who would cheat and just never realized it? It breaks my heart and I've been cheated on before and I know that I would never inflict taht pain onto someone else - but being accused so often really messes with my head. Are my thoughts normal? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): You don't need all this. Tell him you've put up with his paranoia for long enough and that it's driving you up the wall. He'll no doubt think you're leaving him for someone else, but that's his problem not yours.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Thank you for the two responses. I should clarify that he is a foreigner, highly qualified to practice law (4 law degrees) and can not find a job in the US. I have a job that I really like. I sit at work all day and "chat" with him on "gchat" and if I have to leave my desk for more than 5 minutes he tells me that he's fed up and that he knows what I am doing; if I have meetings, I have to send him the invites otherwise he tells me I'm hiding something from him. Also, he has cheated on all but two of his girlfriends in the past (myself included, so he says). I trust him, I'm trying not to be naive, but I am at the tail end of my rope with these accusations.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (12 February 2009):
Your thoughts are normal because they are a response to his actions.
His actions are not normal and they are pretty much torturing you so it's no wonder you are freaking out.
Ask him why he is so paranoid? Is he taking drugs? Is it part of a wider problem he has? Tell him he needs to get help if so.
You may love him but at the end of it all, you have to think about your own mental health, and if it gets too much then you have to tell him you need to get away from it for a while.
Take some time apart and if he doesn't improve / you find yourself happier away from him then you can end it.
Good Luck!! xx
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