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Her first On-Line guy. me. How can I convince her to take a chance with me in person?

Tagged as: Friends, Online dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2011)
A male Canada age 30-35, *venger08 writes:

I have been talking to this girl online for a while now. We talk everyday, we tell each other how much we are starting to care about each other and she says she crazy about me. I will be the first guy she's met online, the first issue is that she is really, really nervous/scared to meet me. I'm doing everything I can think of to help her see that I am not going to hurt her and that I'm really starting to care about her.

Her own brother and sister tell her she should go for me and the only reason she's not is because she doesn't want to end up with someone like her ex. Just the other day he came back into the picture and convinced her to date him again and she's scared of him.

This is what he said to her just recently "you should be lucky you have me cause no one would ever wanna date you , you're ugly and you need a lot done to you .. "

And so on she was crying to me on the phone and it took a few min but I convinced her that wasn't true because I want to date her and that I think she's the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I think she thinks that I'm just saying all this to get with her and then it will all change and I know a lot of people that will say it won't and they all want to call her lol.

How can I convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that she should take this chance because she won't regret it??

She told me tonight that she feels used, scared, and she actually said she thinks that he doesn't even like her.

Please help I really like her and I know she really likes me but she's so lost and doesn't know what to do.

View related questions: her ex, met online

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A male reader, avenger08 Canada +, writes (1 September 2011):

avenger08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

New update: She wants me, she can't wait to be with me but shes scared to break it off with him so shes going to act like a bitch to him and not do anything so he will break it off with her. I am also seeing her probably this weekend. She has told me that she doesn't want to do anything physical even though she will be VERY, VERY tempted and I told her I understand and that I like that about her because that just means that shes trustworthy and I wouldn't have to worry about her cheating on me lol.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011):

Well the new development sounds encouraging

Hope you have a great time, but remember, no pressure. And look after your heart.

Good luck x

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A male reader, avenger08 Canada +, writes (1 September 2011):

avenger08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I talked to her through text messages and on the phone last night and she told me that she wants to come swimming with me when I take these kids swimming (which i do every Sunday/Monday/Tuesday)and then we talked some more and she told me that her mind belongs to him but her heart tells her me and that i am the only one in her heart.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011):

You can't make anyone do something unless they are ready to or want to.And at the moment she's not responding as you want,thats how it is sometimes and you have to respect her thoughts and wishes.Its her life.

If she's that down about her b/f then her friends and family will advise her to get rid, they see her, so must have noticed and be concerned.

Maybe you should back off for now but leave the door open, so she comes to you, if and when she's ready x

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A male reader, avenger08 Canada +, writes (31 August 2011):

avenger08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I asked her if she still really liked me and she said

"i did/do, well the fact that i always want to text you so my mood gets better I'd think i do" then she goes on to say "I just don't want to date someone and find out they are like him" I told her that ever since she started dating him again she seems more depressed and sad and not herself. She told me that that was how she felt and her whole family thinks the same.

What can I say to her that will tell her that I don't want to go anywhere unless it is with her, but get her to open up and help her get away from this guy with out like making her feel pressured into it?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011):

Sounds like shes still hung up on her ex to me, regardless of how he treats her.

Why not take the pressure off, tell her you will wait till she's ready, then eventually just meet for a simple coffee.No declarations of love or anything just to say hi and show her your OK.

Try not to get overly drawn into this as for now you haven't even met in person.If she's online chatting it means she wants something from it all (or she's just a timewaster boosting her ego.) You decide. x

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