A
male
age
30-35,
*.Turner.2
writes:This is my problem.Me and My Girlfriend have been together since early april, we 'paused' our relationship until may 2nd because she was having problems with an ex of hers. He keeps luring her into his car and kissing her, grabbing her ass as such. Weve talked about it a bit and she tells me that he is her best friend and dont want to just ditch him out of no-where, I can sympethise for this as I have been in a similar experiance. I am going on deployment on July 15th, so I wont be here for much longer to help her out with this. I know for a fact that she still has rather stong feeling towards this ex of hers. My Question is as follows:1) What Can I do to comfort her when her ex typically does to her.2) This has also been a problem with me being worried as I am, is there any way that I can ensure that she is still 'my girl' when I come back from deployment in early January of next year?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 June 2009):
 I'm sorry but friends don't grope and kiss in cars, ok? Yes he might be a smooth-talker but obviously she lets him do this. If he was truly "forcing" her she wouldn't claim he is a friend, if you get my point. It takes two to flirt, it takes two to tango. If she don't want either with him, she needs to "let" him go. Obviously he sees her as a potential booty call, not a friend.
You are about to deploy. Deployments are HELL - I know because my husband have been thru 3 and due for a 4th in Nov 09. However, he has never had any reason to worry about me cheating. Ever.
You need to sit her down and tell her how you feel. You two need to talk about boundaries and what you expect of her while you are gone. You want her to be there for you when you get home? Set up Skype so the two of you can chat while you are deployed. You could suggest she join one of the many military "wives" websites for support and suggestions ( these are also good for Girl friends/fiances). You two need to be on the same page.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 then she is obviously still scared to leave him and not be his friend maybe she feels he'll do something drastic if she cuts all contact with him.
i mean he's clearly no good for her at all and obviously you won't hit her but she probably thought that of her ex.
and i didn't mean it so much you don't trust her more you don't trust him the way he plays things.
apologies for that.
she should really get rid of him as he is no good for her at all i mean clinging onto this for what?
he abused her and she's clearly scared of what he may do to her if she cuts all contact.
but if this does happen she should get the police involved immeadiately it's not fair on her at all or you.
Hope this helps x x x ilovebowsandcherries x x x
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (26 June 2009):
 That's not cool with her ex doing that to her and she is allowing it. Both she and he need to realize that is her ex; and she needs to start acting like it. If she can't give you respect that you suppose to get, then maybe you should reconsider your options. You can do better if that keeps up. Just talk to her about it and tell her how you feel about what she does. She's with you, not him. Defend your right to have a woman. Step up and be a man about it. Just don't do anything stupid.
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A
male
reader, Z.Turner.2 +, writes (26 June 2009):
Z.Turner.2 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ilovebowsandcherries
I trust her perfectly, I just dont trust him. He has a 'smooth tounge' and can make me seem like my not being there makes it perfectly alright, the best way to describe him is as a player.
He also, is rather forceful with her. She tells him to stop doing what he is doing and he dosen't. He also has hit her on an occasion or two when I was not there. Im just worried that he will over-power her, or attempt something stupid.
You could say that he is enticing her yes, I really wouldn't know fully what goes on, she is very un-clear what goes on with him, as if she is afraid taht I will lash out on her, and it always happens while I am at work or something similar.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (26 June 2009):
hunm you can't you'll just have to trust her and if you can't because you feel she's got too strong feelings for him and him for her then you'll just have to let that relationship go, it's not worth you worrying over thinking is she with him?
is he enticing her?
it isn't good for you or the relationship i mean if she still has feelings for him and you go away then something may happen especially he makes these kind of gestures.
if you don't trust her around him then i suggest you end it.
i know you don't want too but wouldn't you rather do that than come back and see them two together?
Hope this helps.
x x x x x x
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