A
female
age
30-35,
*eaghan1
writes:I am 21 and my boyfriend is 22. I was best friends with my boyfriend for four years before we started going out, we are madly in love and very happy. There is a lot of passion in our relationship with us both pleasuring each other daily but whenever it reaches the point sleeping together my boyfriend will return to pleasuring me. He does not lose his erection and we have spoken about it and he doesn't know what is wrong with him but he just can't sleep with me. It has been 6 months now and it is really starting to upset me, I feel unwanted and strange, I would just like a normal sex life and it seems such a waste to end a relationship which I feel could be really great but for the one problem. I don't know what to do - I've never heard of a woman not being able to convince a man to sleep with her!
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Hi there again.
Okay so basically he does not want to have coital sex with you.
It could be disease, or it could be something else. Possibly fear of impregnating you. I think he probably wants to make sure that you're the one to spend the rest of his life with. And fear of impregnating a girl who you may not marry, well that's a problem.
Imagine it from a guy's perspective. You get a girl pregnant. At the time, you love her, but you both drift apart and the baby is born. Now for many decades to come, you are going to have to pay to support a child who will not be living in your household full-time. A child you may have to fight for custody and visitation rights for, and a child you may not be a good father to because you are not married to the mother.
This is probably one of the issues that strongly sits in the back of his mind.
I would say you need to sit down with him, and I know its going to be gut-wrenching, but basically you're going to have to find out why he's afraid to have regular vaginal sex.
The other issue is this. Some men, not many, have a fear of penetration. Its rather unreasonable and its a phobia. Its very possible that there's some sort of childhood trauma and some other type of psychological barrier there, such that he fears his penis will be cut off or something.
I know it sounds weird, but I've heard of guys that have this problem, so you may want to talk to him about that too.
Whatever it is that he fears, you need to confront it head-on or else you're never going to be satisfied and he's going to be miserable.
A
female
reader, Meaghan1 +, writes (2 September 2009):
Meaghan1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I mean actual penetrative sex, we do everything else except that. He has had other sexual partners but not many, it had never occured to be that it could be something like an STI, but I would assume that he would suggest using a condom if that was the case? I'll admit that I had started to think that counselling was the only option.
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A
female
reader, narnia  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 maybe he has an sti and having sex would infect you. because i don't know many guys that wud turn down sex constanty..especially if he is errect! maybe you should ask?
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (2 September 2009):
When you say "sleep" like going to sleep or actually copulating?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): i don't understand, what do you mean by sleeping w/you. You mean intercourse? So, you do other variations of sex, like touching each other and oral, but not intercourse, right? I need more clarification to say anything else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Maybe he has strong religious beliefs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Can I suggest that he seek counselling, this does seem strange. If it were nerves Id expect some erectile dysfunction issues.
Im sorry but I thnk he needs to talk to a counsellor about this.
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