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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I don't understand myself. Why do I keep thinking that someone who didn't consider my feelings/wants when we were together for four years, would consider them now that we broke up one month ago. I have not seen him and contact is minimal. There is no future with him and there is no trust. So why am I holding myself back by constantly thinking and wondering about whether he misses me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 You only broke up a month ago so give yourself a break. Off course it is going to be hard at the moment. These things take time. Your emotions are all over the place. When a relationship ends we remember all the good times, and put the bad things to the back of our head. Try and remember why this relationship didn't work out. Think about how he made you feel.
You say contact is minimal, but contact should be completely off limits. That means social networks clocked, phones ect deleted. You need to move on, and that means no contact at all.
You say there is no future or trust, off course that's not going to make you hurt any less at the moment. But you need to hold on to that thought. You miss him and off course you are wondering does he miss you. Four years was a long time.
You need to give yourself a chance to get over him. If you need to cry then cry. But once you are done, pick yourself up, go on nights out with friends, do hobbies you like and concentrate on getting your life back.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 Hang on to that sentence. " There is no future with him and there is no trust "
In this light, what difference should it make whether he misses you or not ?
The missing probably will also depend from who dumped whom. If he dumped you, and maybe it was a decision which was playing in his mind since a while, chances will be that no, he won't miss you, he'll be more relieved than anything else, and if he does miss you he misses much more the habit , and the convenience of not being single, than the person.
If the break up was your decision and your initiative, even in the case of an initiative you HAD to take because of his misbehaviour, his missing you may be more real, he may have moments of sincere longing.
And ? ...
Haven't you decided that it is over and done ?
Haven't you said that it's just not possible to have a future together , and/ or establish trust ?
You must have reached this conclusion , after 4 years, not because of a whim or a passing fancy, but because you have had ample time and proof to see it can't work. Therefore, it is irrelevant knowing or finding out if he thinks of you or not, because it does not change what you have got to do, i.e. , move on.
Now it's very early , just one month after the break up, so you being cut up about it,it is normal and expectable. No transition is painless- even transitions to better things, better situations, better relationships. Change is difficult.
It's more difficult if you fight it. If you embrace it things can become easier. Good for you not having seen your ex, and ,unless you do business or own stuff together, there is actually no reason for you to keep even minimal contact. Time is a big healer, but you gotta give it a hand from your end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2016): Sorry to hear you're hurting, breakups suck but it's very normal after a breakup to think about the person you were with for four years and it's quite normal to wonder if you were missed. It's Valentine's weekend and the emotions just run high. I doubt if your ex never cared about you when you were together he would care about you now when you are not together or when you don't trust him and when you know there is no future with him. Try to keep yourself busy, do things you enjoy, surround yourself with friends and family and if he misses you, he will contact you!! All the best.
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