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Help me get her out of my head

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 9 November 2010)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Bad situation. I met someone that I have not stoped thinking aBout four 2 years. It is crazy. I saw her and I knew sihe was my soul mate. I never been intimate with her and I rarely see her but I have this crazy attraction that I can't really explain. I talk with her on the phone and email her but thatis it. I am married and so is she. We both have kids. Kids come first and we both know that this relationship can never progress until they are grown but I yearn for her. I think about her constantly when I am with my family. I have tried to stop contact and have been successful for months but i cant seem to let her out if my life. If it weren't for the kids I would be with her in a heart beat. Has anyone ever felt this way about any one that they haven't been physical with And how do I move on. I want her so bad but I can't break her kids hearts or my kids hearts.

View related questions: move on, soulmate

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

Once you became a father you handed in your 'free agent' card. You are no longer a dude, you are a father. Man up. Stop whining over an obsession with a married woman... who, by the way, is someone's mother. Frankly, I don't give two shakes whether you feel you can live without her or not. You have to. Turn around, kiss your children on their foreheads and hold your wife's hand. Remember that you can stand for something or stand for nothing at all... You can throw away every ounce of integrity or masculinity you own for an infatuation, or you can grow up.... and grow up fast.

Stop coveting someone else's wife. She is the mother of his children. She is not your girlfriend and the very thought that you would be crossing this line and making yourself out to be nothing but a blithering idiot is baffling to me.

You have the world in your hands and you are whining about wanting more. Selfish, immature, gluttony. You have diamonds but the rubies catch your eye. You have children and a wife who count on you to be worth a darn. Man up and stop trying to figure out how you can tear this woman down so you can have what you think you want. You think you want her? Well you thought you wanted your wife as well. When does this immaturity stop?

You are not entitled to do as you please and you are most certainly not entitled to pull this immature crap with someone else's wife. That is the bottom line. And, you had better hope that her husband doesn't catch on, that he isn't the jealous type, and won't flip out on you. 80% of all homicides in the USA are crimes of passion. Head's up buddy.

Choose. Decide. Commit. Period.

Be something or be nothing. Live by your heart and your crotch or live by honor. Be a man or a louse. Be a giver or a taker. Be a child or a man. Be something, but whatever it is you choose... be a good one.

This is not a fantasy you are entitled to live out. You want her? Too bad. Buck up and cut the crap. Be a father and raise your children and leave this woman alone. Go into therapy and figure out what the hell is wrong with you. You have everything any man could ever hope for and all you want to do is pine over what you perceive you don't have. There are men all over the world who would give up everything just to have a wife and children... here you are and that's still not enough for you. Now you want someone else's wife and in the process destroy your children and hers. If you continue... that is precisely where this bomb from hell will go. Stop now. Count your blessings and be the man God created you to be.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

Don't do it just stick with the family and think of your children if you want my advice

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