A
female
age
36-40,
*lsieMay
writes:Ok so, this may get a little complcated (and long, sorry!)I met my boyfriend 6 years ago and, at the time, I didn't think that he was my type. However, I was intrigued to get to know him and decided to give the relationship a go. I was also curious by the 'opposites attract' thing too. The problem I have is that I don't feel like I should be with him anymore. The things that annoy me about him are that he isn't as passionate about certain hobbies as I am, or more to the point, we dont share a great deal of common interests, he doesn't want to try anthing new, he relies on me to suggest going out and even where we should go and he doesn't make me feel sexy anymore. The easy thing would be to walk away, however, I am now living with him and his parents (have been for the past year). Things have become a little too comfortable and I don't feel like he makes the effort with anything anymore. He never initiates sex, doesn't have much of an imagination and when i asked him if he thinks of other girls(as it is natural for him to do so) he said that he doesnt think of anyone. My boyfriend and I were engaged, but I wasnt ready for that so we called it off. Now, we're both finishing uni this year so obviously getting a job is going to be a large priority and I'm not sure I want to move in with him. He wants to buy a place of our own and have a mortgage and I don't. Not yet anyway. I'm thinking that me being single would be a good thing, as I need to gain some of my independance back. I want to let go of him, but he hasn't techincally done anytihng wrong. He hasnt been unfaithful and he loves me so much. I feel guilty about wanting to move on. But how do I?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Your situation sounds a little bit like mine. My boyfriend is so nice kind and caring. He hasnt done anything wrong. But like you Im worried that if I come to any big decisions I will regret them.
I dont know what the answer is for you. I m just relieved not to be the only person in this kind of situation.
A
female
reader, ElsieMay +, writes (4 April 2010):
ElsieMay is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your replies. It's helped me see that I could probably do with some space. The only problem I have now is that he has told his mum what's going on between me and him and now she's causing problems by getting involved. She's really interfering and I didnt want her to know for these reasons.
I still don't know if it's the right decision to end the relationship or not, despite the fact that ill probably be better off on my own.
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A
female
reader, Jennilove +, writes (3 April 2010):
Everyone needs to feel happy with their lives. Life is too short to 'waste it' (so to speak) on people who don't make you as happy as you should be. Your boyfriend may not have done anything wrong but think of it this way: would you want your boyfriend to be with you because he loved you, cared about you and was interested in the sharing the same life with you or because he felt obligated to you?
If you are unhappy and you feel being single would improve that, what are you waiting for? Relationships aren't always easy to move on from and their is always a significant amount of heartache involved - but think of how much better you would feel if you moved on with your life. Your boyfriend doesn't make you feel sexy anymore and he never initiates sex? I doubt he is happy either...and if he is, well, he may just have gotten a little too complacent. That is the death of any relationship: go find your passion and let your boyfriend find his.
Some relationships (great as they can start out) just aren't meant to last forever. There is no shame in that, and it is a much braver move to admit it than stay for the sake of it. If this is how you feel now...how will you feel in six months time? If you move on, you will be feeling far better by then and you two could even come to be friends in time. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
The problem with the 'opposites attract' rule is that for a while it does work, until it comes to making certain decisions at a later date. The truth is you were engaged and you called if off because you weren't ready and you're unsure that this is the man you want to be with. I think you know in your heart that you need to end it. So end it and move on. No, he's done nothing wrong. But he needs to be allowed to find a woman who will love him, and you need to find a guy more suitable for you. Good luck.
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