A
male
age
,
*ormalex
writes:i have been in a relation ship for nearly 4 years,to the women of my dreams in everway.at first my partner kept finishing with me because of bad past relationships, she did not want to upset her daughters and only wanted to be there for them, and no happiness for herself,after some months i wonher heart and she had mine . Well we have had a really good loving relation ship,i get on great with all her friends and family and espially her daughters and would and have helped and done every thing for her.Her eldest Daughter who has had her life planed both in going to the biggest university in England,and getting a very high paid job,got pregnant and ever thing was up in the air for 3 month until they decided to keep the baby. my girl friend as with every one was a bit stressed out . Over the months until the baby was born on the 13 of May this year my girl friend has been more tired and we have been doing less together and first i thought i would get pushed out but i started looking forwarded to the baby coming and was looking forwarded to becoming and honouree granddad.things came to a head when when on the 30th of May we were getting or first day out for a long time and i made a comment how nice it would be to go out on or own. I got there at 12 and she was on the phone still in her dressing gown and had not been in the Shower made commented,i thought we were going out,then we went in kitchen and she complained about about the mess her kids had left, i agreed and said yes they have to do things for them self's, she went up stairs, i followed and she blow up saying for my to get my stuff and go. She said she cared for me but could not have a relationship with me, and she could not cope with me complaining about her not being ready (her whole family and her daughters are always Complain she is not ready) and the kids not doing things for them selves' have not seen her so angry,i left as i do not like to see her up set, and i thought i was the cause for her distress.I only sleep at hers 2 nights a week, she was not interested in taking, and i just dont feel i can just call any more. I think it is down to the Fact she feels, she is the only that can look after her Daughter and the baby ,who all now live in the same small house with the boy friend and her other Daughter. i have texted a bit and even took her farther to get his hair cut .but she will not allow me to do any thing for her.i have not not been in touch since the 18th of june ,trying to give her some space,i was thinking of seeing if she would go out for a meal to give her a break ,because as well as the above looking after every one she works full time and her mother in hospital and she visits most nights.I don't what to lose her and think she is still in love with me but things are stacked against us at the moment.where do i go from here, please any help, thanks again Norman .PS i hope you can get the jest of my letter
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Getting her away is wonderful advice but I doubt it will work. She is being pulled in too many directions and you are adding to that problem if you try to put pressure on her to go away with you. What she really needs is some help. She could use an extra hand...are there any chores you can do for her...or...could you pay for and send over a cleaning crew for the day? Can you go over there and fix dinner for her AND the rest of the family?
These type of actions would show her how you can fit into her life rather than trying to pull her away from it. It would relieve some of her pressure instead of adding to it.
A
female
reader, ctds001 +, writes (26 June 2010):
Hi,
Yes your girlfriends life is very hectic right now. Her house is jammed packed, she is a new Granny and has a mum in hospital. I am not sure how she has kept going.
At this point she is unable to concentrate on you. Not because she is not in love but the surely can not be enough time in the day.
I would consider taking her away for a short break. Pamper her and see how she feels afterwards. I would not put any pressure on her.
Good luck x
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