A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:okay so i dated someone 28 years old for four years. He always wanted "space" and finally now that he finished school and got his friends and a good job he decided he wants space again. this time i did not crawl back to him , and after bitter arguments and me ignoring him he wrote this:"Okay well i'm here for you if you wanna grab a coffee or a movie,i'm available or if you need anything. Dont hesitate to ask me, I love being free but i hate not being able to see how you r doing. I am going to the gym and walk outside more often its nice having free time to myself thats all. thats what makes e happy it has nothing to do with you, sorry i have been dragging thing its probably cause i felt bad did not mean bad"So he wants to hang out after we bickered and fought and he called me all the words in the dictionary. According to him our relationship ended a while ago but then again he never sat down with me and talked with me..he still said i love you and stuff... i dont get it, does he still have feelings? i told him not to contact me again because i am extremely hurt and he has not ever since i turned us being friend down. its been a week and its killing me.... i know i relationship wasnt great towards the last couple of months but we never offiacially ended it, he decide upon himself, yet he still acted like we were together up until i questioned and said i wasnt gonna take him flipping out on me for no reason anymore..thats when it blew up and he said he needed space and then he said he did see us in the future together.. his storry since last month has changed 33333333 million times to blaming me, to calling me a cunt, to saying i give him anxiety,to blaming me for not loosing weight or changing my ways or becoming independent etc...Long story short he calls me to saying lets go for a drink and still keep in touch to be friends? i dont get it how can you get over someone so quickly or better yet does he wanna see if the grass on the other side is grreeener and if it doesnt work come back? since i've always begged for him most of the timesMind you last month he said we needed space and then he called back saying you've been on my mind i cant stop thinking lets just figure out something" this time though he hasnt called back ever since i said no friendship leave me alone i am hurtwill he?he is 28 i'm 24please help me
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (15 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindy god thank you soo much! i did have self esteem ssues a lot and even though ppl tell me i am beautiful i self destruct, thhank you from the buttom of my heart for the suggestions i will look at all the books and the website i hope that this pain will go away.. i sometimes feel like i caused it cause he always makes himslef like the victim..but i dont know what else i could have done i try to give this man everything..thank you and god bless
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 You know, there's a very generic answer to "why did he leave me after 5 years of love " and its being generic does not make it less true: because some times people change. They change their mind,or their tastes,or their goals. After 5,or 15, or 25 years. There is no absolutely foolproof system to secure yourself an everlasting love.
So it makes more sense,rather than working on keeping somebody with you by any possible means, working on how NOT to fall to pieces and hate life when bad stuff happens.
I think you had a self esteem problem even before he left you and of course now your sense of self worth is shot.
You can fix that, if you want. In fact, I think you should try BEFORE dating again or seeking a new love, otherwise you'll bring with you all your insecurities in the new relationship and you will repeat old scenarios.
You will find your own solutions. what works best for you- but if you don't mind I'll suggest you a few things that you may find useful- or interesting,at least.
- A self-esteem workshop, or a self esteem self help group.
- Visit : www.more-selfesteem.com
-there are tons of books about self esteem, particularly in the area of love and relationships. A few that I liked are:
In the meantime- by Iyanla Vanzant
Self esteem- By Gloria Steinhem
Women who love too much- by Robin Norwood
Awakening self esteem- by Christine Maguth Nezu.
you will be fine, and you will love again- but you have to help out the process a bit,ok ?:)
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (15 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm soo insecure, i was never like this i dont even love myself anymore.. i cant believe that he would say i am the best and that i am wife material but then after five years just throw me away. I dont know how i can love myself again, i dont know if i can love again, i am soo insecure, i have Obsessive Complulsive Disorder and i do not think anyone would want me.. i am so sad so insecure ...:(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 May 2010):
It sounds like he was keeping his options open.
He likes his freedom and fun, and he likes to know that,in a pinch,you 'd be his default option. That's what the "friendship " was about. Quite common technique-
The real question that you have to ask yourself ,though ,is this :
-This guy called you a cunt- and fat-and all the names in the book- and you still want him in your life ,in any role ? Why ???
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