A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi , I've been dating this beautiful girl for nearly a year now and I honestly love her to pieces . I'm completely crazy about her and I know she feels the same . We had quite a few arguments the first few months we were together . I know this was because of me , but I had a lot of personal problems which I incorrectly vented out on her . We cleared all that up and for the past half year we've had an amazing relationship . We are very passionate and i just melt away when she's with me . And yet I still screw things up sometiles . Like when she cancelles plans with me ( happened twice and it was for her work , so I had no reason what so ever to lash out at her ) . And a few weeks ago her cellphone lighted up and it was a text message saying " Hi , pretty lady xx " from some guy . To my own great shame I went through her phone a few days later and she had replied that she thought that the message was a bit inappropriate ( although she has maintained contact with him these last weeks )I just love her so fucking much and I get frustrated and jealous when these things happen . I don't want to feel that way , I'm so ashamed that I breached her privacy and I know I can trust her and that she's the best thing that ever happened to me , but I keep doing this . I'm scared that I'm going to lose her through my behaviour . Thanks if you actually read all that . I'm 19 by the way .
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 You are acting on your insecurity. Your reaction is to grab hold, argue, and try to hold onto her with an emotional stranglehold.
You've won half the battle in recognizing that this compulsion and insecurity is causing you to sabotage this relationship.
I will say this -- I don't know of any guy who, upon seeing a "Hey pretty lady xx" text from another guy, wouldn't have a problem with it. However, you've gotta be happy that she told him to knock it off. Now stop looking through her cell!
You have to have confidence in yourself. You're not only lucky to have her, but she's lucky to have you too. She is being loyal to her, and now you must be emotionally strong and stable for her. Clingy, grabby, insecure, all are turnoffs. The next step is obsessive and controlling and paranoid. You have to stop indulging your past baggage and your present insecurity. It's like a plant...feed it or starve it. If you keep feeding into it, it's going to get worse, and you'll lose her. Starve it, and you'll have a lot of confidence, and you'll be secure in your relationship AND in your own self-value.
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