A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:On Friday night I was out celebrating with friends as we've just left college. I'm a lightweight compared to them as I don't drink often, and had close to nothing to eat that day. Now I can't remember much from the night, but stories have got back to me. One story has unsettled me quite a bit though. Apparently I had sex with this guy. I do know the person, he's lived across the street from me my whole life and we grew up together but we haven't really spoken for years. Anyway the point is I don't remember any of this. According to numerous people, they saw us. So it definitely happened. I'm just not sure whether I was conscious or not. Even if I was conscious, is it classed as rape? He'd drank nothing (sources have said), and it was obvious I had had a lot to drink, so he took advantage right? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): So if he was drunk and can't remember, did you rape him?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Take the morning after pill just in case! And unless you had passed out, this can be difficult to prove as rape, especially when it is only based on rumors. If you had sex, why would other people have seen you? I just wonder, this sounds odd. But anyway, if you didn't give consent, then yes it was rape. However, rape is not always black and white. You could have been too drunk to realize what you said yes to, or too drunk to remember that you said yes. What you should do is to never drink this much! Bad things could happen, such as you being taken advantage of, or you doing something stupid that could potentially hurt you or even kill you. Know your limits, and preferably have someone to watch out for you.
If you want to know for sure, maybe ask the guy you supposedly had sex with, or your close friends whom you know you can trust. If you want to know if you can take action towards him, and accuse him of rape, contact the police and ask them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Hi, I'm the original poster of this. I just want to say that I don't intend to prosecute him, it's never even been a possibility. I say that because I have known him for so long, I know he's not usually like this. And he's had a rough time with his dad passing a couple months ago.
@straight to the truth
I wasn't with my 'friends' at this point. One of them was my friend, but she was busy with this other guy. The rest of the people there were acquaintances so none of them really knew me anyway.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Do not start accusing him of rape over rumours you have heard. The best way for you to determine what happened is speak directly to him about it, to find out what actually happened - i imagine that the people who are passing on this information to you werent exactly sober themselves, so are hardly a reliable source.
As for whether it is rape or not, thats tricky. Chances are if you were drunk you may have been acting as if you were willing, even if you wouldnt have done while sober. Equally he may have been drunk, so also impaired in judgement. And he may have taken advantage, but it doesnt sound like anyone forced you to get so drunk that you would comply. I dont want to sound unsympathetic, and I completely understand why you are feeling unsettled - I am just trying to stress that "rape" may be far too strong a term for what happened, and he may not deserve to be branded as a rapist, especially not until you have found out exactly what did happen! Talk to him, find out what happened, and decide where to go from there.
Good luck! x
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (30 May 2010):
I would suggest you speak with this man rather than listen to gossip.
if you had sex where everyone could see you then I would think there was CCTV so ask for it as it is your legal right to have a copy.
Rape is if you did not give consent to it, rape is not if someone takes advantage of someone.
If you did not give consent then yes it would be considered as rape, were you conscious? if not then it was rape because there was no possible way you could have given consent.
I would be suprised if all of your friends witnessed you getting raped and did nothing.
if you were simply drunk, regardless of how drunk you were, you can not accuse a boy of rape. If you gave consent or if you did not refuse in a drunken state regardless of wether or not he was just taking advantage of the fact that you would not normally act in this way. The fact that he was sobre pays no relevance.
Speak with the boy, ask if you had sex with him and find out what happend.
Be 100% sure if you were conscious before you accuse him of rape because if you go to the police and he is found guilty of rape he could be sent to prison and this will shape the rest of his life.
if you were conscious and just too druk to remember then you have probably had a drunken one night stand like most people have done your age, and most of us regret it after.
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A
male
reader, antwone fisher +, writes (30 May 2010):
these rumours might be your friends just playing games with you. if i was you i'd confront the guy and directly ask him.
btw in a sense it can be identified as rape.
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