A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,My life has taken sucha downfall,I'm heart broken and I'm unable to put the pieces together!Background:I 'was' dating this guy I met in high school,as we grew up got jobs we decided to move in together,he was my life,my best friend,my boyfriend..One fine day he asked me to be his wife,I was engaged to him and we were to be married soon!we went on a roadtrip just to celebrate before we tie the knot but little did I know it would be our last,our car hit the divider,it hit another bus I was badly injured but my fiance lost his life(I can't even type this without tears in my eyes) its been a year and half since this incident but my boyfriends parents who I visit often becuz I know how much he loved them and how alone they are,I go to make sure their ok,they don't talk to me how they used to,they partially blame me for their sons death,I know their grieving but I'm in pain too!I lost the love of my life..I have not moved on,I haven't dated I can't even think of another man..now my friends and my mom have been setting me up on dates,trying to get me out of my shell,how do I ask them to back off politely?I was seeking therapy for a while it hasn't helped me much! Thank you for all your answers in advance
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): I am very sorry for your loss and for the injuries you sustained.I lost my husband to a terrible car accident. An oncoming out of control truck plowed into his pickup head on. He barely survived with severe injuries (I took care of him for 3 years) until his injuries overtook him and he died.The anger from his parents is misplaced which happens in the grieving process. I had misplaced anger towards my late husband's best friend. He didn't do a thing to warrant my anger. I realized it for what it was and I never let him know about it. It's part of the healing process.It's a shock. I've never quite recovered and I am not the same person after experiencing this loss. I've read all the books on grieving, I've spoken to counselors, but the pain never really goes away. There will always be a hole in my heart and in my life.I forced myself to move on. I moved to another state. Starting over has been extremely hard, but I have to keep moving forward and live my life. That is what he wanted.You will do the same too. Give it time, but do move on.Don't date until you feel really ready. My friends kept setting me up with dates and I said no that I wanted to remain single, but I've gotten back out there. That hasn't been easy either. I take it one day at a time. Give yourself as much breathing room as you need to grieve and to get your life in order.I still have contact with my late husband's family but it has grown more distant since his death. Eventually, you may distance yourself from his parents as you move on and if they still blame you partially for the accident.It sounds cliche but time does heal. I never take anything for granted anymore.I hope this helps and I wish you well as you move forward.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain, both physical and emotional.
I know you see your fiance's parents because you love him and miss him and feel more connected to him by seeing them, but perhaps they are different to you now because they are trying to move on and heal as best they can and your visits are too painful for them?
Perhaps staying in touch with them is part of why you are not ready to move on?
I would suggest you contact not a general counselor but someone who specializes in grief counseling. Call any local Hospice... they all have bereavement counseling available.
When my father lost his wife (my mother) he found a minimal amount of counseling helpful.
You mother and your friends are right though... even if you are not ready to be serious with anyone, it's time to move on, do you think your fiance would want you to sit and pull a Queen Victoria? NO, he loved you and he wanted you to be happy and healthy and whole and while you wanted it WITH HIM, and he will always be a very important part of your life forever, the living HAVE to move on.
If the roles were reversed and he had survived would you really want him to sit and mourn your loss forever?
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A
female
reader, Tez7  +, writes (17 April 2013):
First of all i am so sorry for your loss. I know that losing someone you love is beyond terrible, so please look after yourself.
I dont know the full extent of what happened with the accident but whatever happened i hope you realise that you are not to blame. Im sure his parents, as you say, are grieving but dont feel guilt, this is tragic for all of you.
It sounds like your family and friends are just worried and are trying to help, but if you are not ready you must be honest. sit down with them, or whatever is easiest for you, and tell them straight that it is not time yet. Tell them you need help to heal before anything else is even thought of, if therapy has not helped tell them. If need be thank them for their help but ask them to not push you into anything yet. You must be honest with them but dont distance yourself from them. With a situation like this you will need support.
I dont know if this will help but i truly hope you come through this. i wish you all the best
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