A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hi, i just split up with my boyfriend because i have had enough. he cheats on me, he spits at me, he punches me, he tells me im the ugliest person he's ever seen and if i made him really mad he would rape me.the relationship is completely 150% over with absolutely no turning back. i would never get back with him. ever. thats not the bit i need advice with. i know what an idiot he is, i know im too good for him and all the other things my friends keep saying but the bit i need advice on that nobody seems to get is how can i stop thinking about the good times we had?of course it wasnt always bad or i would never have been with him in the first place. at the beginning he was perfect - everything any woman would ever want in a man. he was so loving and so tender and considerate and i was so in love.i really miss those memories.i dont miss them enough to take him back. not by a long shot. there is a better chance of the beatles getting back together than me and him getting back together.but i do think about him a lot and its hard. i try to keep busy and it helps but hes still on my mind while i'm doing whatever it is i have found to do. i cant stop thinking about him.i dont want to be with him, and he doesnt want to be with me - hes already seeing someone else but how can i get him out of my head? i check my phone every 15 - 20 minutes just in case he has text me, when i know that if he DID text me i would ignore it because i dont want anything to do with him. am i making ANY sense here?im so confused.
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female
reader, tinkerbell29 +, writes (15 October 2007):
 hi hun,
You do sound very confused, but time is a great healer you will wake up one day and not even think about this dispicable excuse for a man. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and had all the same feelings as you are having now. How did I get over it?.....I made a life for myself and my children and erased everything about him from my life. If I had gone back to him I probably wouldn't be here now because I've seen first hand just how fast the violence can escalate and it got worse every day. Of course you will have nice memories of when you were with him, but aren't they totally over-shadowed by the bad ones?
You need to concentrate on yourself,do things that don't remind you of him. Delete his number from your phone, change your number and most importantly learn to love yourself.
It does get easier with time, I can't promise you it's easy, but I can promise you that it is worth it.You only get one chance to live your life so don't waste it thinking about this loser.
take care of yourself xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Try to fool your mind into thinking something else. Your mind plays tricks on you so you have to play tricks on it too. It's the only way to cope.
Dear, maybe this is not something you want to read but you were in a really abusive relationship. I have read a lot about this subject and I know sometimes abused women are attracted to abusive men unconsciously, by the way they were brought up. Maybe the attraction is still there very strong because your are attracted to this kind of men. It doesn't matter your rationalization of the abuse you'll instictively will continue to chose this kind of man because it's been proven this is the cycle of the abused women.
I think that even if it's just a force of habit it's not healthy to still be attracted to a man who did you so much wrong. It tells a lot about your emotional state. I'm a psychologist (not clinical) and I think you may benefit from counseling so you would see a more clear picture of your situation and avoid getting into a similar relationship in the future. You might be very sure you deserve better but the experts say that abused women almost always fall into an abusive relationship after another. It's something that makes them to enable some kind of behavior that's not obvious at the beginning of the relationship.
Good Luck! and please don't take this lightly.
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A
female
reader, no1lovesanemo  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 yes u r mkaing sense.........i was the same way and still am after my ex-b/f broke up w/ me but its great 2 rmeeber the good times and soon ull find someone better trust me
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