A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,So my new boyfriend broke up with me. We've only been together about a month. But here's the thing he was very, very attentive up until the past couple of days. Our relationship has been progressing physically, so I have had to tell him that I have herpes before it could become sexual. His reaction was a little shocked, he had a lot of questions and we looked at pictures of herpes on the internet. He told me he would go to the doctor with me for check up and treatment, and to ask any questions he might have about catching it. He got a little panicky and went to the bathroom to wash his hands, but he managed to calm down. It seemed that our physical affection (hugging, kissing) decreased at this point, but I wasn't sure if I was withdrawing because of what I'd just told him, or if he was withdrawing. But he seemed to be okay, somewhat. The next day, he got laid off. Now, he's on a work permit from another country, so I realize it's a big deal if he loses his job, because he could be sent back, but as soon as it happened, he asked to meet with me and said we shouldn't see each other any more because he lost his job, he can't see himself continuing a long term relationship while unemployed, he has to re-establish himself, and may even take a job in another state that someone could possibly hook him up with. He said if he we had known each other longer, he would have wanted me to come with him. And that whenever things get re-established, we can maybe reconnect. He said he would miss me, and this is hard for him. My main question is, does this sound like a reasonable reason to cut someone off, or does this sound like it's because of the herpes, and he's just looking for an out? He says he has a lot to do...he has to sub lease his apartment, start interviews, this and that, but to cut me off completely? And does this sound like a situation where he'll call me ever again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Hey,I know you posted this last year but I was searching on the internet because I'm still trying to get over a guy that I had a great connection with. He broke up with me three weeks ago. Before the break up, we decided we would just see each other and he met some of my friends at a party and we planned a lot of activities until he didn't show up for one. He called me to break up with me because he couldn't get pass the herpes! I told him about it before we got way too sexually intimate. Essentially, I realized that he couldn't accept me for me and everything about me which made it okay to break up with him. Later, I sent him an email wishing him well so I could end it in peace for me because that's what I truly believed. But after ruminating on it for a while, what doesn't make it okay is that I really, really liked him and I was willing to work through anything with him as he was not perfect himself. But because he was afraid, he ended the relationship in fear and with a relationship that could have been a great one and that hurts! It's hard enough to connect with someone and to find someone to bond with but to bond and then to run in fear doesn't make it okay with me! I know I will have to let this go and that his fear and his unwillingness to work it through is all about him and not about me. What ever his reasons are....it is what it is! I truly believe things happen for a reason even if it does hurt!Good luck!
A
female
reader, Jezebel  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 I have recently contracted HSV2. I would never be anything but upfront and honest about this virus. 'Older Sister' is wrong in her information, whilst using condoms does reduce the risk, if the herpes is on other areas not protected by the condom, or she is shedding, this will not protect her partner from catching herpes.
It will take more time to find a partner, but you must always be honest with them, as you were.
Check out two sites... loveinthetimeofherpes and herpesisnormal for some interesting facts on herpes, and how you can reduce the risks.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 October 2009):
I don't think this guy could handle the herpes. There are some guys that are mature and can see past it, there are some that just can't. He couldn't. You did do the right thing by telling him, which means you're a great girl. A guy will see that. Don't give up and don't be disheartened. He wasn't the one for you. Find someone who will be able to handle it. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): I am sorry this happened to you, you did the right thing by telling him. I would wait a little longer in the future before disclosing...of course, that also means waiting on sex...but this will give a guy proper time to get attached to you. Guys do this slower than women.Unfortunately, your dating pool may be smaller than if you didn't have herpes. There could be a guy out there that is fabulous that also has herpes, you never know. In this particular case, I think his situation gave him a convenient excuse to get out of the relationship as he probably wasn't sufficiently attached yet and most people will not willingly take a chance with herpes unless they are already in love with someone...sorry :(Someone will come along. You might also consider having some information on hand that minimizes the risks of contracting herpes rather than letting someone look up herpes on the internet where they will come across so much information that they will be overwhelmed (including the graphic pics).Good luck and love :) for your future.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (16 October 2009):
 Its probably partially both. If you have been only seeing each other a month or so, you will find somebody else. Most likely the more he thought about it, the less wonderful he felt a physical relationship with you. Many people may get mad and say "well how could he do such a thing?" Sadly he didn't go about it in the best way, but he was well within his right to discontinue the relationship upon this discovery.
But realize that although you were upfront with him about the herpes, unfortunately more likely than not, this will occur throughout your life. I give you credit for being upfront with him about it. I know it is a very fine line to walk on for yourself. There will always be a prospect of when you are dating someone you like, that when you let them know about your condition they will either make the excuse to not see you anymore on something else or leave you outright.
I am not trying to be nasty in any sort of way to you, I am pointing out what the most likely reactions will be from prospective BF's for the rest of your life. Sadly it will probably take someone who is very comfortable with you in order for you to remain in any long term relationship. But those people do exist. It just takes a lot more time to find them.
In the meantime, I would suggest the next person you date, you really get to know them first and go very slow so you have a real feel for how they may react before they just up and leave on you. Once again, I am not in any way trying to be nasty. In fact I sympathize with you. I am sure you didn't ask to get herpes, and it has really affected your life.
Best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): My guess is that it was the herpes.
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