A
female
age
30-35,
*ran2008
writes:So I recently asked for help about a breakup. My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he wasn't sure what he wanted. He ended up going on a couple dates with another woman within a week of the breakup. Last week he finally realized he says, that he still loves me and wants to try and work things out. The thing is he doesn't want to say we're actually "boyfriend girlfriend" because he wants to be single. The breakup caused me so much stress I couldn't eat for a week, and I was pretty much a zombie. Now I'm so confused though. I got what I wanted, but I don't know how to trust he really wants me when he really doesn't want to be with me for another month or so. He says he won't see other people, but I'm so paranoid. The biggest reason he left was because I became a controlling bitch and I know I was. I feel like with the situation at hand though it's pushing me back into my old ways of never being able to trust him and always worrying. So my question is, what should I do? If it feels like it's worth the wait, should I really have to wait?
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male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (4 January 2011):
It should be all or nothing. You are either together as bf/gf or not together at all.
He wants his cake and wants to eat it. You would basically be there for him for sex and as a back-up. He says he wants to be single so there would be no ties and he could go out with and/or sleep with who he wants when he wants (regardless of what he says) and it wouldn't be deemed cheating because you will have allowed him to stay single.
The fact the you admit you are controlling and not trusting of him suggests that this agreement would never work.
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (4 January 2011):
 He could want to stay single in order to see what else is out there, knowing he has you to come back to if it doesn't work out. Why else be so vague and undecided? Don't give him a chance to move things into grey area, give him the choice to either get back together or not get back together. No 'sort of' seeing each other or anything else in between. If he still can't make up his mind, he's obviously not worth waiting for.
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