A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:well first off i am in a long distance relationship, we are exactly 257 miles apart..i trust him completely and he trusts me..we are definitely in love..we met online, i drove there to meet him the first time and that was dec 29th..and we spent new year together...the thing is if it was just he and i..i would be living there with him..but i have 3 kids at home..he hasn't any kids..and has told me that he wants a life with me..but because of the kids it will take time to get used to the kids and having someone around..i say the only way u will know if u can get used to someone around all the time is to be in that situation. He comes down here 2 weekends out of the month and we spend that time with the kids while i have them. the other weekends they go to their dads and i drive up to meet him. The kids like him..but another issue i have is..because he doesn't have kids..and actually has lived on his own since moving out of his parents house at 19..he is use to being alone..use to coming home and doing as he pleases and not answering to anyone..but he tells me that in time we will be together...he is currently saving money to buy property and build a house..which by the way was already in the making before i met him..and he has asked me if that is something i would want to do and i was like yeah for us to be together id do anything.His plan to save is for 5 years..and i have told him that i cannot do this for 5 years the long distance thing. I told him without us talking and planning a future together its hard to see me doing this for 1 year, with nothing to look forward to hold onto. We have gotten in 2 arguments in 4 months and it was about this...i love him and i want to be with him i miss him tremendously when we're apart..and i know he feels the same..and its not as if he is going out or messing around..because he doesn't like the bar scene(thank god) but we r on the phone every day after work and again at night until we both go to bed..i would never do anything with out considering my kids in the matter..but i feel this move is something they would want to do. they have even said so..i hope we can move with mr. tommy. I just don't know how to let it go...and if i do for now..in my mind do i set a time...that if we're not talking about at least moving to the same city by years end..its over. I would never give him the ultimatium..but in my mind would be that. any help..advice..suggestions...would be greatly appreciated..thanksjulie
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): You don't have to buy a house to be together. While he's saving up for the house, why can't the two of you put your money together and just move into a nice apartment? You can split the living expenses and the two of you can be together, give the kids some stability, and still save up for the house later. Seems like a fair compromise in my opinion, otherwise it sounds like you'll be stuck doing the long distance commute for the next 5 years, and no relationship can survive that. Good luck
A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (2 May 2007):
 Well I dated someone 90 miles away. I too am a single mother and dated a guy for almost 5 yrs, but very on and off due to the same issue. You are 100% right in the way your thinking. See, I tried to fool myself into thinking I was strong enough to do it all alone, and now here I sit almost disabled from all the stress that kind of thinking lead me to.
You and the kids have needs now and if he doesn't think twice about that because he's 'saving' (has he ever shown you his this 'savings'?) then you won't need him in the future. Why should everyone have to suffer but him. And you call this love?
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