A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend emigrated back in March to Melbourne Australia as he had planned - with few possessions he simply packed a suitcase. He has a job now and is renting a small house. Now he wants me to move out with him and has started to dream about our life together out there but I am not sure although I love him and miss him very much. It will cost me over £5k just to get out there with furniture, my dog, flights etc. If I don't make a decision soon I will lose him because he is taking it personally that I cannot decide. I was married for over 10 years prior to my relationship with him and my parents have been very critical of this new relationship - although they were happy for me to visit Melbourne they have no idea he wants me to live there so I have not discussed it - kept it to myself. I was planning to be a full time mature student here starting next month and have a uni place - however I can do the same level course in Melbourne. I am worried about living with him as we have not lived together before (he has not lived with anyone before) but I could not afford to live on my own out there because working allowance would be more restrictive. I have visited Melbourne and it is a great place - it is not the place that frightens me I think it is the upheaval and the level of commitment with the possibility of real problems if it goes wrong I am stranded. I wish things had happened in stages in the UK and then Melbourne was a joint plan - but I would have been holding him back and he never stopped going on about Melbourne so it was making us both feel bad. Like this I feel pressurised but am scared of losing something good. He gets irritated really quickly when we speak on the phone if I seem to waver. We text several times a day and speak once a week. I am running out of time and with the UK course option starting soon have to make a decision - just don't know how to. Any help or advice so gratefully received.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): I see a red flag in what you have told us.Namely, that he gets irritated really quickly if you waver when talking on the phone. Not JUST getting irritated, but also, he takes it personally that you are undecided.He ought to be more understanding of your hesitancy at moving all your belongings to another, far-off place, and possibly then finding yourself stranded.He seems not to care that you have a place at a university in England and are planning for a study course.Your parents evidently are seeing some undesirable traits in him which make them concerned for your well-being.I understand that you love him and fear losing something good, but moving to Melbourne permanently (UNLESS you had not already got your university course set up) sounds like a bad idea. Otherwise, you MIGHT try a stay of two or three months, no commitment, not living with him, but as it is, it frankly sounds dodgy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): At least he wants you to move out with - my ex just packed up and left me! Said he was going for 3 months and that was the last I heard from him...
If you are not sure try going over for 2-3 months and see how you feel during that time!!! Don't dismiss it totally until you have at least tried - other wise you may live to regret the fact you never tried it.......
Best of luck with it anyway :)
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 Can he, and is he willing to take care of you when you get there? Is he "in love with you"?
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