A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a single mother of three children My youngest is 22mnths old and her father walked out on me on his birthday. I do admit I went overboard with the breakup but now I having problems because I want him back. My question is I have not called him since sunday afternoon and it is now Tuesday night. Will he want me back even more or will he call and wonder why I have not called? I would call him 30 times in a day because I was scarred to be alone and rejected with three kids.He left me with the bills, house, dog, baby, andI am also a full time Medical Assistant student. I am lost and confused because we were supposed to get married and I tried to ask him and he turned me down all he tells me is he needs space but he carries his x girlfriend phone number on his cellphone. He claims he just needed a friend to talk too? What do I need to do! He is a good man and I want him back. My kids miss him. We have no one to turn too! His x is married now aand has a baby but she used to have endometreosis.
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male
reader, ShannonB +, writes (1 April 2009):
At least call him once or better yet find a baby sitter pronto and go find him and talk to him.You need to send a strong message that you care about him, do not want him to leave, and you are also willing to change yourself or your life situation to make him happy. Ask him what it would take for him to come back and get him to answer. Tell him there are a number of things that you know could be better in your relationship and you want to know which of them is most important to him. Be prepared for something "shallow" like more sex or better sex. Particularly if he thinks its shallow*, it may be hard to get it out of him. If you're willing to do it... tell him so. If you're not, it's over and tell him good bye (and sue for alimony).It might be something you did (or more likely something you didn't do) but there is probably its the other people in his life. If he's still talking to his ex, he's not over her and is not ready to get married again. That may have driven him away.When you say you would call him 30 times a day, do you mean that is how you feel now? (normal) Or what you actually did before he left? (psycho).The fact that he left on his birthday also gives us some clue. He did this to treat himself. That might be hard to hear, but it indicates that he needed "out". Perhaps he saw the same failures coming in this relationship as his last one.You sound extremely busy and overloaded taking care of young children and going to school. I imagine it may be possible, but it certainly would not be easy to keep a maturing relationship moving under those time and attention pressures.The fact that you mentioned the X and endometriosis also leads to me a lack of attention to his sexual needs. (endometriosis causes intercourse to be very unpleasant to outright painful for the women... leading to little sex and highly unsatisfying sex at that.)It's not clear if your older children are his... if they are not he could easily have felt used by you to support your family. In which case you would have to be prepared to stop the school and focus on supporting yourself and your family.*Shallow or not, it doesn't matter; this is a key relationship killer for men (its not the only one but a very, very common one.) Having some sex is not enough. If he's into you, he is going to want to have sex with you every time he sees you.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 April 2009):
 I'm sorry to hear you're in such a difficult situation at such a young age. If I were in your position I would feel like the sky were falling down on me.
I think you need to act quickly and decidedly. Unfortunately, you must also act assuming that he won't be in your life. You don't know if he will ever return, or if he will return and leave again, or he will help you with his children, et cetera. All you know is he walked away and you're in this difficult situation, alone, and that is how you must assume you will be from now on.
I think you need to find the support of your family. It's a very tight spot you're in. In the long run, you should stay studying and finish the Medical Assistant course, so you could have a better job than you otherwise would. But it could be difficult.
I wish you and your kids the very best.
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