A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been on three dates with this Asian man, I'm Caucasian. On the first date he was very pedantic about the fact he wanted to pick me up, and pay for everything, we had some coffee, he then took me to see a movie in which he insisted it probably isn't the best thing to do on a first date, and then we had dinner and a few drinks afterwards. He did the 'Palm reading' where he looked and spoke about my palms- the difference between his and mine. We talked about everything, also about what he wants in a relationship and that is not looking to fool around. He spoke about what he wants in a girl. Tonight, he asked what I look for in a guy, physically etc.We are of different cultures and he said he's always apparently wanted to end up with a Caucasian woman (he's Asian)-he's dated a few. We both freely spoke about his culture and that its great we can both get along great, he mentioned that we both clicked and had a connection and asked if I felt the same. He was very opened about his work and spoke about it for quite sometime. He has something quite stressful going on and he mentioned again tonight about it. He’s told me so many restaurants and places he would like to take me future. He told me I was very attractive. He’s mentioned twice to me now that he would like his lady to live with him. He then went onto to speak about how in his culture; it's traditional for the man to work and the lady to look after the house etc. Anyway all went well, he dropped me home and asked if he could do something the next day but I was busy, he then offered to pick me up from work but I told him I was okay to get home. He picked me up last night and we went out for dinner again, went to see a movie and before the movie started he was talking about how he has a good group of friends, and as a male he barely ever goes out in big groups or 'packs', he said he likes to work, go to the gym and then come home, read a book and go to sleep, I said that I’m relatively the same. He said that previously girls he's been with I assume, don't believe him and think he is getting up to mischief. Then we went for a midnight snack had something more to eat and then he asked if I wanted to be dropped home, in which I said yes. I felt that time, we connected even more, spoke about so many different things and I was more relaxed. He spoke about the fact, that when he first saw me, he thought I wouldn’t have been what I am-he said I’ve been raised very well and a real lady, and that he said it’s uncommon for girls to be mature and well put together at my age. At many times, he said to me that I’m very much like him. He spoke about how he has to go away for work next week sometime and after he gets back, he would like to go on for quite a longish holiday and said he would love for me to come. On the way home, he told me that he would like to date me exclusively and asked if I felt the same, I told him yes because I feel we do get along and I am attracted to him. He organized for us to catch a quick dinner again tonight.Tonight went well, however I found our conversations near the end after a few drinks went sort of naughty and sexual, we kissed for the second time after he dropped me home. He asked me if he should book a night at a hotel before I leave and obviously I sort of agreed. Bad sign?However, I think I might be too busy with everything. Should I say I am?One thing that has alarmed me is that I know I have to respect his privacy and I'm not technically dating him yet, even though he did ask me, but hasn't really asked me to be his girlfriend. Whenever he looks at his phone to show me something, he quickly scrolls up so it hides everything from the front screen so I can't see(meaning messages that pop up etc) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 July 2015):
 I will give the same advice as I did to your post the other day.
THIS guy is moving WAY to fast. He wants you "barefoot and pregnant chained to the stow" - I mean, he bring up that in HIS culture the man works and the woman stays at home. YOU are 20! The LAST thing you should want is to be a "housewife" at 20-21!
Booking a hotel room for sex and you haven't even had a 4th date? You have even decided to be exclusive and BF/GF yet... WAY WAY to fast.
The fact that he is trying to take you out EVERY night, is him RUSHING you. I will compare it to him spinning you till you are dizzy and then asking you to run.
Don't go to a hotel room with him. YOU really DO not know him from Adam.
Go on more dates - PLANNED dates, don't let HIM alone set the tempo, don't let him PUSH you into things you aren't 100% ready for.
Tell him you have decided the hotel room thing is TOO SOON - don't lie and make up an excuse. BE honest.
Like Tisha said, TAKE the time to get to know him. And for HIM to know you.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Three dates and he wants to go away on a long weekend at a hotel? Wow. That's a pretty slick talker. And you agreed?
Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If he's moving too fast, he's moving too fast. And I think going away for a weekend to a hotel after only 3 dates and no real understanding of your relationship is too much.
Be upfront with him. There's a popular TV host here in the US that recommends that women wait for 90 days before getting sexually intimate with a man, to ensure he's serious about you.
If you like him and feel that there's something there, then by all means continue to date him but don't go away for the weekend with him unless you are okay with it.
That last paragraph suggests you don't really trust him just yet and I would listen to your intuition. Something feels a bit off and there's no point in rushing things.
If he can't or won't wait with you while you get to know each other better then good riddance.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 In dating etiquette it's appropriate to talk about exclusivity or being official before introducing sex. However, some people think this way, they would try out sex, then to see if you are sexually compatible (testing the car before buying it). They feel it's better to do this than to get all romantic, attached, then to hear "you suck in bed." I do think this gentleman has good intentions though and not one to hurt women. If you like what he's got, then it's your decision to make it official together.
If you are really busy and you tell him this now he might interpret that as a gentle let down. Explain what you have to do, keep in contact, and promise something exciting to do together once he gets back. Also tell him that vacations have to be planned out in advance. It's good to be spontaneous sometimes but real life gets in the way. You would think that booking a hotel means there must be sex but some Asian men are quite okay if you don't. I know of many couples who just lie down besides each other without any hanky panky.
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