A
female
age
51-59,
*onkytonk
writes:This time last year, I discovered I was pregnant. I am in my late 30s, my boyfriend is 10 years younger, we'd been together for 9 months at that point.I was horrified. I did a test at work and immediately told my boyfriend.He met me in a bar to talk about it.Before he even turned up at the bar, he had called someone he knows (that I don't know) who works for a private termination clinic to ask for advice.This upset me because I would have preferred he'd srather presumtious!We talked about it, but I started to realise the severity of the situation and I panicked and a nasty fight ensued.I was pretty hysterical and I cried a lot.I had also asked during the evening that he told no one about our situation. I needed to get my head straight.But after our argument, he sent me a very vitriolic email calling me self-centred and haughty to ask him to keep the issue to himself, and he notified me that he planned to tell a female friend at work.He did so that lunchtime.I felt terribly betrayed and my feelings dismissed, and after such a nasty shock and an abusive email I wanted to die.The woman he told was also the subject of some of our fights because he would regularly divulge very personal information about our relationship to her and I was uncomfortable about it, but he carried on anyway.So then she also knew about me being pregnant, and I have no idea who else she told, or who else he told.I totally lost control and all I heard from him was that he had a right to talk about it as much as he felt like because it was his issue too.I was gutted that he betrayed my trust so quickly and so thoughtlessly.I had a termination a month later, and he also told several people about that. I have to see both of them daily because I work with them and it eats me up. We are no longer together because I never felt like he was trustworthy after that.Do you think I was unreasonable to expect him to respect my need to keep the pregnancy between ourselves, or do you think he's an insensitive, immature man, as I do now.All responses very gratefully received.I am still very angry and hurt about the whole thing and I would like to get over it now.Thank you
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female
reader, honkytonk +, writes (24 December 2007):
honkytonk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I'm particularly upset right now because it was a year ago that it happened, and all sorts of things are bringing back the painful memories.He blabbed to quite a few people, and when I confronted him, he always told me that it was his way of dealing with it.Pity he had to trample over my feelings in the process!
A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (24 December 2007):
 You have every right to be upset with him. Your pregnancy should have been private if that was what you requested from him. If you have to work with him just keep it professional and move on with your life. This guy is an insensitive jerk and he does not deserve you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): In my opinion, your wisest move was the "no longer together" part. I think your boyfriend is the self-centered one, and based on what you said, it sounds like he is also disrespectful, immature and a lot of other things you are better off removing from your life. If you must continue being around this person because of your work situation, start being professional but very, very cool with him. Put this person behind you and begin seeing someone else as soon as possible, preferably someone older and very mature. I think you were probably just another notch on his pistol and he is moving on. You should as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): I agree with you and believe that he is an insensitive and immature man. You shared this pregnancy together and he should have respected your need for privacy. It is not as though you were all part of a family. You were HIS women and she was JUST the work collegue. You both shared an intimate relationship with eachother and it was none of her business. You both should have discussed this more and maybe you should have approached the situation differently with where and how you told him. But, at the end of the day he should have been there to support you and talk with you in a calm manner about how he percieved the pregnancy and what he wanted. I think that you are better off without him and should try to change jobs to make things easier on youself. It must be so difficult with all the gossip going around especially after you had to make such a hard decision to terminate your baby. Move on. Good luck!
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