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He takes advantage of my feelings for him, how can I help this?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 June 2006) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 June 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

How do you stop yourself from loving someone? I'm in love with this guy who i seem to think is the nicest guy in the world. I want so badly to stop loving him, because even though he makes me the happiest person in the world when i'm with him, everyone else sees his bad side; the lying, violent, drug taking, cheating, arrogant part of him that for some reason i can't help but overlook. But he's screwed with my emotions so many times, he just seems to think he can call me when he can't find anyone better. He used to love me when we were together, then a load of stuff happened which is far too complicated to explain now as it'd take hours to read, but he gets lonely and calls me and lets me think that he wants me, and he knows i still love him no matter how hard i try not to. I just want to be able to forget about him. Please please help me i just want to die i'm so sick of him shredding apart my emotions.

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (11 June 2006):

Country Woman agony auntNo one ever said love was easy I'm afraid as we cannot control the way our heart feels or reacts but this is just not love but control and unfortunately you have been caught in that trap and it is the consistency of that routine which you are trying to break free from.

OK so you see him through rose tinted glasses but your friends and probably your family see him for what he is as they are not wearing the blinkers. Let's look at this by breaking it down first of all eh!

Lying - once a liar always a liar I'm afraid and I should know.

Violent - why put up with this! You are worth so much more than being someone else's punch ball/bag. He is letting out his frutstrations on you and that will never change unfortunately.

Drug taking - Whilst he is doing this then you will never see the real him as he is always in a euphoria state or a depressive low which then results in the violence. Whilst I have never been with someone who has a drug problem, addictions can come in many forms and if he is not prepared to change then why should you tolerate it.

Cheating - again comes from being a liar and always a liar. This will never alter as he has got away with it before and probably feels like why not as she will never react or she will just put up with it cos she loves me.

Why do you overlook everything including all the arrogance, you are worth ten of him and there are a lot of guys out there who would never treat you this way. Why are you settling for the dregs when you could have a prince eh!

Get yourself busy and surround yourself with loyal friends who are more concerned with your best interests and not with this guy who picks you up when he feels like it and leaves you feeling low and depressed all the rest of the time. Don't sit around waiting for this guy to magically fall in love with you as he is never going to be that sort of man. A true man would never hit a woman or cheat on her or take drugs instead of being a wonderful attentive man. It is not about money but giving part of yourself when you are in a relationship and you don't even have that.

He gets low and knows you will come running. Stop running and start getting your life back on track. Get busy by going out with friends or family and go and do things like going to the gym, cinema, clubs - whatever it takes. Don't be around for him and avoid any contact.

The only way to free yourself of this pick up when he feels like it is to be too busy for him and no contact.

I know it will be hard but I think you can do it and deep down I think you know it too.

Otherwise, you would never have come onto this site for help.

This man is not worth harming yourself in any way. What he does is up to him but don't copy him eh!. He is gradually killing himself with the drugs and if he cheats on you as well then he is hardly going to worry about contraception or anything practical like that.

Why not think about talking to someone like your doctor or relate and start to get yourself mentally strong. If money is tight then start with your doctor who may refer you onto someone.

Don't let prejudices put you off in any way as we are all entitled to help at difficult times in our lives. I had severe depression after post natal depression and it was all due to my ex not giving me support and also having an affair for 2 and a half years so in some ways I know what you have been going through. My cruelty was mental cruelty and not physical but there were times when I thought hitting me would be a sure fire way that I would have got him out of my life but it never reached that.

You are a young vibrant woman who has the world at her feet so start living it now and stop being someone else's punch bag eh!

We get one chance of life and there is no point in having a miserable one.

Get out there girl and start living.

You are beautiful and so keep telling yourself that and be a woman with a life and not just an existence.

Keep me posted! Best of luck. Today is the first day of the rest of your life so start planning the rest of it.

Best wishes.

Lots of love.

Country Woman

x

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A female reader, Smiler +, writes (6 June 2006):

Smiler agony auntHey sweetie

Firstly lets start by putting a few things straight here ok... You don't deserve this idiot treating you this way and putting you through this mental abuse you are a person with feelings and emotions sweetie you deserve so much better, he's basically taking you for a fool and has no regard for your feelings at all, so why are you still with him? come on sweetie stand up to this fool kick him to the kerb where he belongs he does not deserve you! YOU CAN AND WILL FIND SOMEONE BETTER... THERE IS LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL... I have been where you are at the moment but i got out it was hard to stand up to my ex and be independant again, but i did it, it takes guts determination and courage and i know you have all of those things. Sweetie don't stand him manipulating you like this or his lack of respect for you.... Your stronger than that i know you are i know its difficult and i feel for you but you can't let him go on treating you this way. YOUR WORTH MORE THAN THAT!!! come on now sort this out life is to short babe, you can find happiness away from him! go and stand in that light at the end of the tunnel take your head out of the clouds and fight for you own self belief!

Don't ever let him drive you to thinking you wanna die no one has the right to do that to anyone... sweetie get out of there.

I hope my advice helps you a little.... Good Luck! and remember if you ever need anyone to talk to or just some more advice, i'm always here for you... feel free to email me ok. Would love to hear from you again...

You Take Care Sweetie X

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A female reader, Smiler +, writes (6 June 2006):

Smiler agony auntHey sweetie

Firstly lets start by putting a few things straight here ok... You don't deserve this idiot treating you this way and putting you through this mental abuse you are a person with feelings and emotions sweetie you deserve so much better, he's basically taking you for a fool and has no regard for your feelings at all, so why are you still with him? come on sweetie stand up to this fool kick him to the kerb where he belongs he does not deserve you! YOU CAN AND WILL FIND SOMEONE BETTER... THERE IS LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL... I have been where you are at the moment but i got out it was hard to stand up to my ex and be independant again, but i did it, it takes guts determination and courage and i know you have all of those things. Sweetie don't stand him manipulating you like this or his lack of respect for you.... Your stronger than that i know you are i know its difficult and i feel for you but you can't let him go on treating you this way. YOUR WORTH MORE THAN THAT!!! come on now sort this out life is to short babe, you can find happiness away from him! go and stand in that light at the end of the tunnel take your head out of the clouds and fight for you own self belief!

Don't ever let him drive you to thinking you wanna die no one has the right to do that to anyone... sweetie get out of there.

I hope my advice helps you a little.... Good Luck! and remember if you ever need anyone to talk to or just some more advice, i'm always here for you... feel free to email me ok. Would love to hear from you again...

You Take Care Sweetie X

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A female reader, Nyx United States +, writes (6 June 2006):

Nyx agony auntI have a few infatuations where I myself did not want have in the first place. And it becomes been exceedingly difficult to get rid of if I don't put determination into it. Nonetheless, I am so glad you are able to see past your emotions, and look deeply into this situation. I suggest you to avoid all sort of contact with him, because absence is the only solution. If you have to spend a few mintues with him (ex: if he were in your class...), then make the conversations with him as short as possible. (ex: "I'm too busy with work, or I have places to get to.")Use those excuses as you would normally do, try not to make it sound forced. Then, maybe, you could find another guy to help get this person off your mind! It sometimes helps.

Best Wishes, love,

Nyx

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (6 June 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntHardly seems like the nicest guy in the world to me. Pull yourself up by your boot straps, close the door on this guy and move on. It's up to you and only you. Get out there and get involved, you'll forget about him in short order. No sympathy if you stay in your current situation. Get going and good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006):

Cut him out. If he is such a gifted manipulator, don't let yourself get ensnared by him. If he calls, tell him you don't feel like talking to him, because past experience indicates once he's gotten that far he can pull all your strings with ease. Don't let him get that far. Once you've spent a certain amount of time on your own, away from his charms, your point of view will probably start aligning with your friends'. It will then become even easier to brush this guy off.

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