A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started a new job working night shift about 9 months ago. I was trained by a guy (well call him Nathan) and we had so much free time we got to know each other very well. I am not in any type of relationship but he had told me he was. Nathan never really talked about his girlfriend and I never really asked. I never saw anything in him but an amazing person to talk to. Over time we started talking about things that meant alot, like our hopes and dreams and things we wanted in life. After that step in the friendship it was like Nathan's flood gates had opened up. He started telling me how unhappy he was in his relationship and all this stuff. Needless to say he finally started asking me to hang out with him outside of work and I kept turning him down because he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to start feeling anything for him. Well, about a month ago HE made the decision to leave her. I never told him what he should or shouldn't do, I was just there to listen. This is where it gets hard, I found out after hearing many rumors about myself and him that she works there also, except a different shift! I never blamed him for not telling me this because I had never pushed the topic either. Well she is making it tough, even though she doesn't know me at all she is spreading horrible lies about me. Now he has come to me telling me he wants to be with me. Saying that I gave him the courage to leave her and made him realise there is better out there and "you never have to settle for something less then what you want" He has even said he will quit that job if it means we can be together. While he is saying all of these things this girl is getting worse, I think I may care for him but I don't know what to do. Do I make all of these rumors true by starting to see Nathan? Do I make this woman try and make my life even more misreable because I have "stolen" her boyfriend? Or do I turn it away and risk loosing something with someone I may have a real connection with? I meant no harm to anyone and I want everyone to know this. I would just like to know honestly what everyone thinks. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your great advice. I have decided that is he is really genuine about wanting to be with me he will wait. I feel it is best for me that we wait until things blow over with his Ex, or if they ever do. We'll see where it goes from there! Thanks again everyone!
A
female
reader, carebearer  +, writes (30 August 2007):
I'd have to advise you to be really careful here. Mixing your place of work with love is always going to get complicated at some point but for you it has started of very complicated because the guy you work with and are seeing's ex also works there.I know you have justified Nathan not telling you that his ex worked there but I think he really should have told you that. There are some vital pieces of imformation that doent have to be asked for they should be freely disclosed. He kept it back from you cos he knew it would have changed your whole perspective on things.The last thing you need is is ex starting a bithcing campaign about you at your place of work. Does that mena she knew about you all along, cos how can she say you have come between her and Nathan? What has he/someone told her?Initially it seems like a very noble gesture for Nathan to offer to change job, but what if he did and it was an ample opportunity for him to continue seeing his ex and see you? Do you know him well enough to trust him to such an extent? What if he didnt continue to see his ex, you would still be working at the same place with her, what if it got even more uncomfortable?I woould ask Nathan for some time out to sort stuff out your own head first. I mean there is soo much going on it's hard to see which direction is best, we all need ot work hun. if he's as nice as you say he is he should be fine with you taking a while to sirt stuff out and decide on what is best for you.Good Luck Hun.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tray-Lou +, writes (27 August 2007):
To be perfectly honest from the sounds of it you seem like you have met your true soul mate and someone you care about.Him splitting with his girlfriend is nothing to do with you if he wasn't happy that was his issue and you gave him someone to talk truthfully about those feelings and you never pushed your opinion of what he should do or told him he had an ulitmatum.His ex is clearly hurt and is lashing out which is kind of understandable but so what as long as you both no the truth that you never told him to split with her it doesnt matter what anybody else thinks.that's the main problem with a lot of relationships today people care way to much about what other people outside of your relationship think when what matters is the only two people in the relationship.You didn't steal him away because you never had an intimate relationship all you did was talk and some people find that very difficult to do to talk honestly about the way they feel and you let him do that but you didn't force him.You both sound like the perfect couple and i think you should go for it, forget what other people say ignore them because you dont need to prove anything too any of them.Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Hi
This is one of those gamble things really.
I was in a similar situation, met a guy, he said he wasnt happy with his 6 year relationship, hadnt been for a couple of years. I said thanks but no thanks, i dont go for attached guys. He left her within 2 weeks of me knowing him, said i gave him the courage!
We started dating, rollercoaster for the next year. Lies lies and more lies.
The bloke was extremely dodgy and apart from her txting him at stupid oclock in the night and me knowing that he was still in touch with her when he always denied it, just made it a complete nightmare year.
If anyone is only just out a relationship now, i wouldnt touch them with a ten foot bargepole. If they are immature, they always think the grass is greener.
BUT you could find hes fine and it all goes brilliant. My kids dad had just split with someone when i was 21, he was 31, and i was with him for 9 years with no hassles from his ex wife at all! But we didnt have mobile phones around in those days so maybe that was why. Although i instinctively knew, he wasnt interested in her whatsoever. And he was mature enough to know what he wanted.
Good luck with what you decide.
C xxxxx
...............................
|
