A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello again, I got some really good advice here recently and wondered if I could ask for some more.My original question is here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-sends-and-receives-dirty-texts-from-random.htmlBasically, about 3 weeks ago I found out my bf of 5 years had been sending/receiving explicit texts from random strangers via an adult text dating site thing for 2 weeks. He'd done something similar 12 months ago, at which time we split for 6 months (his choice - he didn't get together/sleep with anyone after that, but wanted us to get back together 6 months ago, which we did).Everything had been going great until I found he was using these services again. He said he did it because he felt bored and lonely (we don't live together, just meet at weekends). He was very sorry, said he'd never do it again. So this weekend, we meet up to discuss it. He has been really low since it all came out, tearful, withdrawn, and would hardly speak to me this weekend (though he's been managing to work/see his friends ok). I've spent the whole weekend comforting him when he's been upset/crying (about "everything" he says), trying to reassure him things will be ok whether we split up or not. He didn't ask how I am or try to reassure me once! I was really cross about that - am I being unfair? This morning, he was bright, back to his normal self, wanting to go shopping, etc BUT still didn't ask me how I am or try to reassure me. Should I be cross about this? Should I be expecting him to try and reassure me? Or am I being unfair? I feel like I'm the one who's world has been turned upside down again, yet I spent the weekend trying to make him feel ok. Also, I asked why he sent these texts to strangers rather than me, and he said he'd be too embarrassed to send them to me! I don't understand that at all 'cos he likes me to be dirty in bed, etc, which I enjoy, so I don't get it. So he won't send those things my way, so there's no reason he won't send them to strangers in the future right?? He says he won't do it again, but is not going to do anything to change things...which worries me. What do you think I should do about this?Thanks again for reading this and for your advice.x
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 You have been given a glimpse of the future. Something bad happens, and he breaks down like a little kid who needs to be comforted by his mommy.
He was the one in the wrong, and you are the one ending up comforting him.
So what will be like in the future. When their kids, when a mortage has to be payed, when real trouble has to be faced?
Either you continue to date this kid and get to play mommy, or you grow up and realize an adult woman needs an adult man who can take responsibility for his own actions.
You see, he could have told you to mind your own business and that would have been a choice. he could have said that things need to change in your relationship for him to feel that their is one.
he could have done a lot of things, but he didn't. he cried. and nothing is changing.
Not it is up to you, is this what you want for the rest of your life?
A
female
reader, JOdieKinsZ.  +, writes (5 July 2009):
Sending sex texts to other people, in a way is being unfaithful to you.Stand up for yourself, and tell him the way you feel about what hes been doing. Then he will also know how you are feeling about things, don't go to the extent of splitting up again. Because this has a drastic effect on the relationship you have with him.But make sure he knows if he ever gets involved in anything such as this again- you will leave his life for good.
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