A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has never cheated on me, doesn't flirt or look at other girls, tells me i've been better to him than any past girlfriends and makes it clear how picky he is in meeting people. he's not a party guy, very level headed, turning 29, can read people very well. he says if he feels uncomfortable in any situation he knows when to get out. so, why do i hate it when he talks to other girls? why can't i stand the idea of him having his friends who are girls in his cell phone? maybe because i've never met them? but he doesn't even hang around them enough for me to meet them. he basically just sees them at work, or goes to luch with them as a group (still work time). why do i get so mad and insecure... we've been together 4 years already.
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female
reader, lalybug2008 +, writes (22 June 2008):
 What has happened to you in the past? Prior to your current boyfriend, have you ever been cheated on? What are your thoughts on male/female friendships? Do you believe that people of the opposite sex can be in a platonic relationship? Are you able to do that?
Maybe you're insecure because you know you've got a great guy and don't want to lose him. But honey, it sounds as though he knows he has a great gal. Meeting his female friends might lower your level of insecurity. Have you talked to him about that? Have you communicated with him about your feelings at all where this is concerned? Has things in your relationship changed for the worse at all? Are these female friends new?
Those are all things to ask yourself if you already haven't. My grandmother used to have this saying, "Who's for you won't go past you." The world is full of competition and every day we're faced with situations that can alter our beliefs and strenghts. But if you're with the one your meant to be with, relax - it will all work out. Be strong and always COMMUNICATE. If he truly loves you and you him, there should be no problem with opening up to him about what's going on in your mind.
Being insecure to a degree is good in my opinion. It's our minds way of letting us know that we are not the "Be All End All" to the world. It allows us to face the reality of the fact that there is always someone else out there. It helps to keep us on our toes so to say. To some, that might sound absurd but that what I believe.
A
female
reader, Bex37  +, writes (22 June 2008):
He sounds great (lucky you!) so I think you need to question your own reasons for feeling so insecure. Have you been cheated on before? If you've been together years then presumably you do trust him - is this jealousy something new or have you always felt like this? If he's given you no reason to suspect he's cheating then this is your problem, not his, and you need to examine why you feel this way. Have you tried just talking to him about it??
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