A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have this buddy who I've know for two years and we've continually have gotten closer. Well I'm bi and I have a crush on him so I told him I like him and he tells me he has a thing for me too. Now the thing is when I try to take it to another level it seems as if he doesn't want to so I back off and he tells me he's not gay or anything like that, But when we're talking over the phone he'll say bye and I love you and I say but your not gay and he says I'm gay for you. So now I feel split should I believe him or not and just forget about it and just stay friends?
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male
reader, ISOHaven +, writes (30 April 2009):
You're welcome.
This part is always easier said then done. Just be open with him. Tell him exactly what you want and how you feel about him. I would start by first writing down everything you want from a relationship and read it to yourself for a day to make sure, when you talk to him, that you hit all your points of interests so you don't leave anything out.
Let him know that you want a full blown relationship that is open and honest and viewable by everyone. I assume that's what you want :)
I would also let him know that he doesn't have to make any major decisions right away. Let him think about it and you should give him a little more time to work things out. But also be firm and let him know that you can't wait forever. That wouldn't be fair to you.
This part is even harder. Obviously if the conversation goes your way you'll be happy. However, if the conversation does not go your way, you need to remain calm, cool and collect. He might fight the idea at first but come to terms with it later so don't go blowing up at him. Not that you would, I've just seen people do that and completely blow it for themselves.
In the end, have a deadline set for yourself. If he doesn't come around, there's no forcing him and it would then be time to move on.
Hope it works out for you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and i forgot thanx for taking the time to respond.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell that sounds reasonable how then should I approach him on this.
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A
male
reader, ISOHaven +, writes (30 April 2009):
From your quick write up it seems plain as day to me. He has feelings for you but at the same time he doesn't want to be "gay" to the world he lives in.
I take it he's never been openly gay? He's never going to be comfortable in a relationship until he comes out.
If he tells you he has feelings for you then ABSOLUTLY you should believe him. However, it would seem he has stronger feelings about not being openly gay.
If this isn't the case then please feel free to add more to your question. I hope this gave you some insight.
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