A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:New guy asked me what I think about the sex we had I said it was good/great. His response how he feels was " it's. Alright". What's that suppose to mean? He is the dominate sex partner if it's not good enough he should do more to make it good. I do feel we both hold back a bit, but that's cause we are new. He does change up sex sometimes it's hard done times it's soft and passionate. How he says it's just alright I don't get. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I looked up "alright" in my "Guys' book of se*ual lexicon"...
It said, ""Alright," means that the lady was adequate... (and) offered you a soft, warm, moist place to put Mr Happy... but didn't turn you on like a $150 hooker"..... It's best to use this description if/when she asks, "How wazzit?"... and you want to let her know that you'll be back for more, if she's agreeable... but that you are also going to keep your eye out for other girls who may be even MORE tart-like than she is.....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): I ran his response through my boyfriend. It's all right translates to it was fan effing tastic. I can't wait till we do it again. How about right now this second.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 It means either he's an idiot and can't expess himself or he wants you to feel meanial. Either way he's a jerk...why stay?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): You said HE should do more... Well how about you do something! Sex is not all down to the man same as it is not all down to the woman. It is no good lying there on you back letting him do all the work or getting on top and just bobbing up and down.. Boring. Have a look at some positions where you are in control show HIM a good time.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 October 2013):
 How new is "new"? Are you in a relationship? Are you friends with benefits? You mentioned he does "change up", so you've had it more than once.
These are things you never mentioned, so it's hard to advise you. If you're not in a relationship, he may have said it to keep you at arm's length so that you don't get too attached. Or, if you are in a relationship, he may have seen ways to improve. Contrary to your assertion that he should do more if he's the "dominant" partner, it's a two-way thing for improving. Sex is best when both are active and eager, not when one lets the other do what they want and just lays there.
Either way, my next question would be "what would make it be great and not just Alright"? and then listen to what he sayd.
I've always believed that great sex isn't dependent on only the man's technique, but the woman should be talented an adventurous as well. "Holding back", as you talked about, has no place in sexuality. If you and he are holding back, that again brings me back to what your relationship is in the first place, and whether or not it's a relationship or just a FWB passing time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): You answered your own question, when you said you're both new. "Alright" usually means, it could be or has been better.
DON'T BLOW IT OUT OF PROPORTION! Stay calm.
You're just getting to know each other, and there may be things you both still need to learn as you go. Maybe he didn't find your actual responses to his touch true to your words. Maybe he had to do all the work!
When it comes to sex, the last thing to do is "confront" your partner with an attitude. You shouldn't be fishing for compliments; or asking for a critique when you finish a session in "love-making." If you want to compliment your partner, that's up to you.
Never ever put your sex-partner on the defensive if he/she hasn't done anything wrong!!!
The only time to be firm or confrontational, is when you say "NO!!!"
Compliments are better when they're given, not forced.
Check out his facial expressions, emotional response, and body-language during love-making.
Use your imagination to trigger the pleasure responses that you like from a partner. Then you don't have to seek performance reviews after sex. Guys really hate that. In fact, the less talk the better. He'd prefer one-word responses or moans of pleasure during sex. Some guys like screams.
You don't have to do anything that you don't like to do. That's your right. Don't have a prepared list of do's and don't's. Leaves no room for the imagination.
In time, he will teach you what he likes. Please don't hesitate to get him to do the things you need to please you. When you're new is the best time. Come up with fresh ideas and positions. Then wait, don't ask for compliments.
So many women leave it up to the guy to figure it out, or read her mind. It saves a lot of anxiety, if you tell him you like a lot of foreplay, more stimulation this way or that. If you like a lot of oral, kissing, or touching in certain places. That's what you should talk about "before" sex; over wine and to soft music. To get in the mood.
He said it was "alright" and he was probably thinking: "here we go!" Which is what goes through our minds when we just make an off-the-cuff comment. Maybe he was being honest.
It was alright "this time." It may have been better before, or will get better. Don't start looking for problems to pick at. We guys don't always put things in the right words, or may be too blunt. Maybe you're just being too submissive, and not responsive or aggressive enough. Maybe he tried something and you pushed him away.
Gently discuss the things you like in sex. Make it a pleasant and teasing conversation during romantic moments.
Then wait to hear what he has to say. Always approach talk about sex gently, and don't be afraid to be a little greedy. Compromise. He just might like that. Rather than being knocked over the head for his lackluster response.
Approach him like a sensual woman; not an over-sensitive schoolgirl.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 Guys aren't always the best at communicating what they mean.
Ask him what he means by that comment (not in a rebuking defensive way but in a questioning way).
He might not have meant it offensively or offhandedly and it doesn't mean he's criticising you're performance.
Ask him how he thinks your lovemaking could be improved.
The only thing in your letter giving me a small possible insight could be your comment that he's "the dominant sex partner" and "He does change it up sometimes"
Why is he always the dominant one? I could be wrong, but it sounds like you lie back and receive sex rather than being an active participant.
Maybe he would like you to take the lead sometimes or let him lie back whilst receiving some attention before turning all attention to you.
This is only an assumption and I might be wrong.
Ultimately, talk to him and maybe be more involved in the bedroom.
I hope this helps AB x
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