A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, this is really embarrassing to talk about, but I need advice. This is a sex question. A few years ago, I went out with this guy who was completely into my body. I was only 14, and he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first sexual experience, but didnt have sex with him. He lingered around in my life for a good few years, until one day, i slept with him. It was more or less planned. I figured that it was just sex that he wanted and if i gave it to him he'd leave me alone and stop coming in and messing up my life. And he did go away. But through it all, I was in so much pain. We stopped before finishing because the condom kept breaking due to his unusually shaped penis! I was bleeding, and it wasnt my period because I wasnt due it. That experience shocked me and I felt so dirty, like I'd sold myself.He really made me feel used and like an object. Ever since, I've never been comfortable with intimacy, and especially not sex. Im in a relationship with a guy ive been with for three years and we've never had a normal sex life. I just despise sex. All the experiences I've had with it have been horrible ones.I dont know where to start to begin fixing things. Its like he smothered the sexuality and intamicy out of me. I constanly have vaginal problems, and cant produce my own lubrication anymore. I really need help. There's quite a bit more to this story. But I didnt want to make it too long. Please help me. I cant live like this anymore.
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female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 I actually disagree with "anon" on this one. Being sexually active does NOT mean you have to resign yourself to vaginal problems. You don't specify what they are, so please see your health care professional about them. I know it might be embarrassing, but your physical and emotional well-being is well worth that.
As far as the fact that you bled the first time you had sex--please don't feel dirty or abnormal because of this. It's quite likely that your hymen was intact until that point and tore during your first intercourse...that would be what caused the blood. This happens to many girls, provided they haven't broken their hymen in some other way prior to losing their virginity. Bleeding during one's first time is actually considered a sign of purity in many cultures and is practically required.
It also sounds as if your problems with having a bad time during sex extend to your current partner. Sex with him shouldn't be "horrible" for you either and if it is, he's doing something wrong. Talk to him about what you've mentioned here, if you feel you can discuss it. Make sure he takes things slowly and gently with you and gives you plenty of foreplay so that you are fully aroused before he begins actual sex with you. A sex life in which you hate sex won't be fulfilling physically or emotionally for either of you, so it's in his best interests as well to work through this with you. Best of luck =]
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Trust me I have the same problems. Once you start having sex you are going to have vaginal problems it never goes away. I've bled a lot before, I've had 2 bladder infections, and nearly had an std. And I've been with one guy for almost a year. I as well can't produce my own lubrication either and I've talked to many many other girls who can't do that as well. Sex is a big problem in life but once your with the right guy who makes you feel like it's special and not like he's just using you for it trust me it's worth it. If it gets too bad you need to see the doctor. But the bleeding is gonna happen just imagine fitting a huge round thing into a little tiny hole, it's not just gonna happen with no problems or worries.
Hope this helped a little bit!
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