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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hi, i really need a bit of advice as i dont feel there is anyone close enough to talk to about this. me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two years, will be two years in october, and i love him with all my heart and more! i would do absolutly anything for him and he really does mean the world to me but since february he has been really depressed and down because his younger brother passed away but hes started to take it out on me, we had a bit of an arguement on monday and he smacked me in the face, it wasnt just a slap though it was a full on punch, n then i walked out and he text me saying he was sorry n everything n i was stupid enough to go back to him, then on wednesday we were sat in his bedroom watching tv and he put his hands down my trousers, i just left him cause it didnt really bother me but then he kissed me n got on top of me n we were fine, n then he just goes to me 'dont seem interested will ya' so i was like what you on about? then he started arguein with me cause i wasnt offerin my self to him on a plate and stuff, then he lost his temper and hit me again. i told him "fine if your gonna be like that lee i cant be arsed with this relationship anymore, i know youve had a rough time with your brother and everything but ya cant go taking it out on me, if you really feel the need to use me as a punch bag then im goin and dont bother gettin in touch with me again" n i walked off. he followed me up the driveway askin me what he had done that was so wrong, so i answered him with the reasons, the fact that he uses me to get at when theres no one else n that hes gettin violent and he really needs to calm down n stuff, n then he said ok im sorry n i just left! he text me on thursday mornin so see if i was ok and i didnt reply, then he text me on thursday night and i didnt reply, on friday he text me about 6 times, and then yesterday he phoned me, i answered but didnt talk, i just wanted to see what he wanted, n he was crying down the phone givin me this lecture about how sorry he was and how much he loved me n how much he regrets what he did and that he didnt want to lose me n all this sh*t, i kinda felt sorry for him but i just listened to what he said and then i hung up. i thought about it last night and i couldnt get to sleep alll night i just sat awake thinnkin and i text him this mornin *hey, sorry about last night babe i didnt feel ready to talk to you but if you want to we can meet up today and we can talk about things, i know it cant be easy for you, i lost my dad last year and you was there for me but i didnt go off on one like this. i know its hard and i am here for you i love you with all my heart but i dont want sex and abuse. sorry i love you xx* and he phoned me. he asked me to go and meet him this mornin at half 10 so i did, met him and we sat on a wall near his for a bit and he explained how he felt, and then we went to his at about half 11. we were sat on his sofa and he kissed me, it was just like deja vu, we started argueing again! i walked out and he phoned me AGAIN but ive just ignored him. i dont want to see him anymore, but then i do want to see him, i cant stop thinkin about him, but i hate him at the minute! i just dont know what it is with him. hes turned into some sort of weirdo. one minute hes perfectly fine, tellin me he loves me and wants to be with me forever n then the next minute hes argueing fighting and hitting me, i cant cope and i dont know what to do?! will he change?
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depressed, I love you, text, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Secret Teller  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 your boyfriend needs help, and as long as your going back to him he will keep hitting you. this is serious and you should stay away until he gets help. i hope everything works out and your not physical or emontoialy hurt. you deserve better and i know you love him but he's anger could build even more and your life could be at risk.
good luck and hang in there.
Love xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): He will probably not change, my best suggestion is to leave him
Once he gets in a habit of doing this, he won't change at all..
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A
female
reader, anonymous24  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 No matter what he's going through, he has no excuse to hit you! You shouldn't stick around for it. When my sister died, I deal with it badly. Didn't eat, couldn't sleep or anything. I would shout at people for the silliest of things because that was my way of dealing with it, so I can kind of understand the recent arguing between you too. He's probably dealing with it in that way even though it is probably hard on you to have him shouting at you all the time. But at no time did I hit or want to hit ANYONE. So no matter how stressed or depressed he is, there is no excuse for hitting you. Especially since it seems you're being so supportive.Maybe he will change when he gets over it, but are you willing to be hit everytime until then? And what about after that when something as bad as this happens? Is he going to take it out on you again?If I were in your position, I'd end it. I would have ended it the first time he hit me. But you can only do what's right for you.Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): To put it simply, leave.
There's no excuse for the kind of behaviour he has exhibited; despite his loss, he should be able to control himself. That kind of action doesn't portend well for the future.
You deserve to be safe from abuse in any given relationship. If he cannot give you that security, I strongly advise severing the connection.
All the best to you.
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