A
male
age
41-50,
*astygerman
writes:Hi, my boyfriend is older than me and has no real friends, the only person in his life is his German friend/ex, I say ex because they've had sexual relations before we met, he told his wife a few years ago he was gay and she learnt to live with it, she knew he was meeting gay people over the Internet for sexual relations, and one was this German who he had known for about 5 years he said, his wife passed away 18 months ago. We met 12 months over the Internet and live 167 miles away, I travel every weekend to be with him, not ever been an issue for me, I look after him, cut the grass, gardening, cook and take him out. But my question now is that this German friend really loves him, all his texts and emails that I have peeped at say I love you, love and always kisses. I've said to my partner that's wrong your in a relationship he should be doing that, you should honour me if you love me tell him to stop, but he never has, it bugged me that much I said his got to go ad s friend, something I didn't want to do because when I'm not there he's lonelyish and we all need friends, but he just kept on with the love and kisses, and it's grown now to 12 months and it's just killing me, I hate this German with all passion and that just isn't me, my partner has always dismissed all this as this German being sloppy and that's him and his in Germany. But that was until my partner decided he needed a holiday and texted me he was going to Germany to see him for 2 weeks, well breaking my heart all what, but still like a fool I still laid him down a wooden floor, why I do it I don't know?But that's me!!! Stupid, they say nice guys finish last. With him being in Germany how do I know that nothing went on, sexually, he said it never and he doesn't think of him in that way....words??He's continueing to speak to him over the net, this German continues to send kisses and I love you. And when I call he ignores me and continues talking to him, Am I being selfish, I know I can't choose his friends, but this German should respect our relationship and accept he will never have him, I think my partner should demand he stop all his actions but I believe he likes the attention. All it's going to do is finish us which is what I think will happen and I've told him that, but I'm always the diplomatic one and bottle it up, but it's getting me down that much I think it will end soon and it definately will if he decides to go to Germany again, which when the question was bought up he said I don't think so?What do you think, if I'm being selfish please say the truth as I need the advice. Thank you
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male
reader, Nastygerman +, writes (16 November 2011):
Nastygerman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi and I have to thank you all for your replys...
If I'm honest I didn't think I'd get a reply, that's why I tried to make it as short as possible but I think I have left a couple of things out about my Partner, with response to person that said he cheated on his wife, the German came over from Germany to be with them? Yes them - weired or what I know! But he she liked him, but yes I bet she didn't know of their encounter in the bedroom, it only happened the once my partner said and he said he hated it and wouldn't happen again - words?? I know!!
I don't know nothing happened in Germany do I.
One answer I got was me being his caretaker, thank you as I've thought the same.
Is there love because my partner has paid out about £2000 on this and that no questions asked and he I'd not loaded, and before you think I'm a sponger, I gave up a great job for him, surrendered my home that I spent savings about £6000 ish, so I've sacrificed.
But he doesn't need to do this, but does and always offers if I'm in need, I know he loves but is he in love, he loves my dog alot.
We do have great times together, but like someone said is he just paying out for a carer/sex buddy, that's what it feels like sometimes.
Is it like that, for us to continue had he got to promise never ever go to Germany again, I'm in my opinion that he does need him for talks over the net cuz that's all he has, but does he need to totally finish with him if he wants to keep me.
I've learnt this out of experience the metaphor "You don't know what you've got til you don't have it",
People that greedy end up eventually with nothing.
Thanks for reading.
Let me explain that whe
A
male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (16 November 2011):
There totally is something wrong with your relationship. It's either he has lost interest in you, or just has this greater care and attention for the German guy than you. It's like, you're just there as a caretaker, the gardener, the cook, the babysitter, but not really his lover; well not as the way you've written.
What you have to do now is, let him be. Let him go. I mean, that's love anyways. Let him realize what he truly desires, if this German guy really is whom he wants to be with, then let him. There's no point in chaining him to you cuz, I believe he won't even listen.
Just take some time off. Continue to be loyal and all, let him realize what's what. And if this German 'thing' doesn't work out, at least he's still got you. =)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 No you are not being selfish. It is out of order him having another man texting him sloppy messages, even if he doesn't respond it is still not fair on you. After 12 months of being with him if he is still not willing to ask his friend to stop sending these kind of messages well then I don't see him trying to stop him any time soon. I guess if you cannot accept this well then the relationship is never really going to work. Off course you cannot stop them being friends because that would not be fair, but my guess is that even if that did stop you would still not like his German friend and you would still not trust him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): He cheated on his late wife.....do u really really believe he will be homestead n loyal to u when he wasn't to his own wife. He is nonchalant about you two relationship. If u do decide to go then he will just gravitate to the next man. Love and respect in relationships comes as a packet. Where there's no respect there's no love....only lust and infatuation. See the signs for what they are and ask do I really want to continue on in doubt and frustration. Be well n stay well.
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