A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need to know why am I doing this repeated.My boyfriend, he fights with me over money, takes every penny I have to the last drop just to get what he wants. Realised now that he is married with a 1 year son and he claims to be married bcos of his status in this country and to remain here.I know deep down he doesn't love me and although he has told me many times dat he will be with me and I have to be patient. Last night i waited while he sat and drank with his friends and I told him I had to pick my mum at 12.15 am but he continued to stay put and talk. After dat, he walked to the car and I called my mum but she was home alrdy. So he said he will go pick up something from another place but I said, its so late, can't you do it tomorrw, he lost his temper, bang the dash board, hit my arm so hard twice and walked away. he ended up in the club. he was supposed to stay with me last nighti cried all the way home driving with a breakdown. He took the last bit of money i had. every month and every week he wud see me only when i have money otherwise he would only say to me...don't come and see me if you have no money cos he doesn't have also. anyway, he ended up in the club till i i slept at 4 am and he didn't turn up. he said i hurt him.i know i'm wrong but is this love or what? i've known him for 2 years now and been hit over and over again.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for the encouraging replies...I really need them so much. Its painful for living in this denial stage and I know I have to let go and be strong.Yes for myself and I do appreciate all your thoughts about me and every single one of you for your time.Its great to know there are others out there who can encourage others so I don't feel alone and confined. Once again...a million thanks and will keep you updated on my progress. Hugs to all....
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 Hun, get out of there.
Realise your self worth.
If one of your friends came to you and asked what they should do, what would be your advice - the same as ours I'd expect - to leave him.
When you think of your ideal guy, I bet you wouldn't describe him as:
Money grabbing,
Kicks me when I'm down
Hurts me when I say what I think
Only wants to have a relationship with me when I have money
A guy who's taken.
Never EVER settle for second best or lower. If he's not treating you right then do what YOU know is right and leave him.
Really sweet, is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Get out there and find someone who'll treat you with some respect.
Leave him, don't contact him, draw a line in the sand and tell yourself " I will NEVER allow myself to be treated in this way again.
Take care xxx
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A
female
reader, BendychickP  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 My advice is to leave. Hitting someone is never right, especially when he claims to 'love' you. Please don't stay with this guy, the longer you stay with a loser like him, the longer you will keep yourself from all the great guys out there. He sounds like a scumbag, just there for money and someone to take his anger out on. People like this aren't good for you. Please take my advice, you don't deserve to be abused like this.
Bendy xx
PS:You should report him to the police for assualt. I know it's hard, because you probably do love him in your own way, but what he did and is still doing is wrong.
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A
male
reader, Ometeotl  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 You shouldn't be living in this hell of a life. You know what to do but you are hoping somebody will agree with you to stay with that monster. Unfortunity honey this man is a player and he looks at women as tools and nothing more. In his eyes women mean sex, money, an escape from their other lives and a punching bag. You seem to have an idea that what you are doing is pointless. It will hurt to tell him he best stay away. But this pain will only hurt for a while and then you will forget about that slime bag. The thing you need the most is family and friends to help support you. Life is to short to live in pain that can be avoided or expelled. You need to look in the mirror and tell yourself you are a strong women who shapes her own future. Somewhere out there is love waiting, don't get the cheap conditional love. Now live for the present and for the future. Best of wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): You really need to get out of this relationship.It's not
love.He's just using you,taking advantage of you,and
physically abusing you.Where's the love in that?He doesn't care about you,he's only with you because you have money,
and he's married with a kid.Break up,move on,and forget about him,cause he ain't worth it,hun.
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A
female
reader, loria  +, writes (18 July 2008):
Oooooh my god u poor poor woman u deserve better think about what u wnat 4 yourself hes using u in every single way its not love ur in love with the dream of what u think he could b but he never will be what you need pick a dream 4 yourself one that doesnt include him or any other man and go and get it get healthy if you cant be by yourself and be happy then youll never find anyone good it works i did it and now ive got it all LOVE YOURSELF truly then youll find what your looking for good luck
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A
female
reader, mellons  +, writes (18 July 2008):
Hi
You will need to get rid of this worthless abuser. He has realised that you are a vunerable, soft hearted person and is taking advantage of this. He should be locked away for a very long time and he knows that would be the case, if you were to inform the police and take him to court.He his a beast on two legs. I urge you to keep away from him.
Try and muscle up some courage and avoid getting in touch with him or return any of his calls. When you do speak to him tell him you have moved on and let him know that you have finally woken up to his abuse and you donot want to see him any more. Tell that you no longer want to date a MBA(married but available) person and that you want to get you life back on track the way you feel is best for you - without him.
If you continue to let him beat you and take away your money you will have no defense to stand up for youself, unless the police are involved. The beating will only get worst and the demand for your money will also get worst. He will break your nerves and prevent you from pushing your self for the better. He will cause you to blame yourself and make you think that you are deserving (when this is not true)He will take away your self worth,self esteem to think that you need him when he is not around.WRONG. You will begin to think that he is beating you because you have not done well to please him. You will begin to think that it is because he love you why is beats you to put you in order. ALL RUBBISH... You are much more deserving and is far better off without this dirt that you are carrying in your pocket.
These men are lacking in self esteem, they have fallen out of love with the best parts of the world therefore, every nice individuals they come across must be shown the hard way of life.. ROB OF THEIR MONEY AND ABUSE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
I know how you must feel because I had a boyfriend like him once who took me for granted and tried to take my money which I held on to but I got beated up repeatedly for not giving in. In the end I walk into a police station the one day he hit me badly and cause serious damage to my eyes. We went to court and I put paid to his behaviour but for a while I still kept one eye behind my back.
You need to remain strong and tell yourself I don't need this ugly minded person.
All the best - let me know how you got on.
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A
female
reader, Caralots +, writes (18 July 2008):
sweetie, its time to let go.
theres no effing way that this is love. He's using you and you can find SO MUCH BETTER. girl come on. you have to believe in yourself and finally show this guy where you stand. Screw him. Don't you DARE give this man another penny. Love is a two way commitment, and if hes no willing, or even trying to keep your love, then screw him and find yourself a better guy!
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