A
female
age
30-35,
*emi12
writes:I have been split up with my ex 7 weeks today and I just can't seem to get over it! I've seen pictures with him and other girls and its really getting to me! I have phoned him and asked him if he is with someone but he said its got nothing to do with me! We were together for 2years and he said he needed a break so I went away but he doesn't realise he drove me away! I don't know what to do as I still love him but he does not want to get back with me! What can I do???
View related questions:
a break, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 Sadly asking for a break was his chicken way of breaking up with you and not giving you the closure you need.
It's over OP his needing a break means he wanted out.
Sadly there is nothing you can or should do to try to get him back.
What you need to do now is accept that it's over and figure out how to heal and move on.
My advice on this:
block his phone numbers
block his email addresses
block any and all access on Social Media (no looking at pictures or updates)
FOR you to heal you must go 100% NO CONTACT and act as if he never existed for you.
Then after this first step, even though it's been 7 weeks you have not grieved your loss at all and we shall treat it as if you have your full 6 weeks to mourn.
for six weeks you have my permission and encouragement to
a. eat anything you want at any time
b. ignore wearing makeup or dressing up or going out
c. write long detailed letters or journal entries to him or about him that you must never send him or anyone else (burn them if you want or better yet put them in a sealed envelope and date them and then bury them in a drawer you almost never use to languish for a few years... after you are completely healed you may read them... it's very eye opening and I've done it a few times)
AFTER 6 weeks of pity party whether or not you are fully healed it's time to get back to life,
you have to shower and dress daily.. make up if you wear it.
go out with your girlfriends..
back to eating healthy and working out if you stopped it. if you were not doing it, now would be a good time to start...
slowly you will heal
every morning you wake up and he's the first thing you think about... i know this.... and you think about him all the time... and that's NORMAL
one day you will wake up and he will NOT be the first thing you think of... rather you may not think of him till the shower... then one day it's your commute to work, then the next time you realize it's LUNCH time before you have thought of him... finally one day you get into bed, you turn off the light and you think of him and you will realize it's the First time that day you have thought of him... this could be weeks or months away... but it's a good indication that you are healed.
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (19 June 2013):
 The first step that you can take is to stop looking at pictures of your ex. Clearly he's moved on, and seeing that he's moved on isn't doing anything but driving you crazy.
Two years is a decent amount of time for a relationship, so it's not surprising that you're still hurt about the "break" even after nearly two months. That said, ceasing all contact with this guy (this includes removing him from your friends on facebook and taking his number out of your phone) will help you move through the stages of getting over the heartbreak. As things are now, you're just lingering in disappointment.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): You know what to do, you just can't bring yourself to do it emotionally.
You're clinging on; even knowing he only broke up; because he just wanted to be a single guy again. He missed casual sex and chasing girls. he missed being young and single.
He didn't do anything wrong; because he broke up with you first. You punish yourself and torture your mind by keeping up with him on Facebook. You know when a guy asks for a break, he means breakup.
Delete his profile. You are prolonging your pain and suffering. You are delaying your healing. End all contact completely. He hurts in secret, he just doesn't want you back. So he has to put on the facade all is great.
He's never coming back. He's nothing but a girl-chaser; and he has put his feelings for you out of his heart. He's flaunting his single-status to break you down.
Don't let him succeed!!!
So stop helping him to destroy you. He posts those pictures to rub your nose in it. It doesn't mean things are as great as he pretends. He keeps you emotionally paralyzed to keep you from pursuing other men. He's protecting his ego, and keeping you at bey. You have shown him your weakness and vulnerability, and he's feeding on it.
Breaking up isn't easy. It sucks like hell!
Listening to the repetitive advice to move on, improve yourself, be with your friends,blah...blah...blah!!! That all rings hollow in your ears right now. It doesn't change how you feel at this very moment in time. You feel like shit and you want to scream until your lungs burst!
Some of your pain is self-inflicted. You keep track of him. Obsess over his absence, and you're delaying your healing and recovery.
You've probably tried to text him, you think about him day and night. Agonize over whether or not to call him. You cry until your makeup runs, your eyes bulge out, and your friends run when they see you coming. They can't take anymore of your whining and runny nose.
Take all the time you need to grieve. You have to stop looking him up on Facebook. Cry and get it out of your system; but go to the gym and keep yourself in top shape.
Force yourself to eat right, stuff yourself with veggies and fresh fruit. If you let yourself go, and look in the mirror; you'll fall into a diving tailspin. You'll hate yourself.
Emaciating yourself will not get his pity; and getting fat will make him glad he left you. Prepare for the right guy.
Get a new hairdo or color. Avoid all your old hangouts.
Don't go near his friends, and add some sexier things to your wardrobe. Get your self some lady sex toys.
Read a lot. I mean about getting over breakups, how to boost your self-esteem, getting over your ex, how to move on after a breakup; etc. etc. Call your mommy. Avoid eating fattening deserts, or crying at work. Go visit a distant relative. Throw out his pictures or hide them away. Change your screensaver. Don't watch sad chick movies or soap operas. No red meat. Only chicken or fish. Eat only dark chocolate, only those with anti-oxidants listed on the label. Buy yourself lovely flowers.
Hang out with friends and don't bring him up. Not even when asked. No rebound dating, no one-night stands, no drunk texting, and no blaming yourself. Ever!!!
You are young. You are single, and there will be light at the end of the tunnel. It begins when you set "yourself" free. There will be good days and some will be hell!
I broke up 3 months ago. He didn't say a word, until he realized I made no attempt to reach him. Now he wants stuff back that has been in my place for the past 3 months of mutual silence.
He can have them back. They are neatly packed away. So is my heart. I miss him, but I miss being me more. I've had a lot of fun with friends. No dating, just flirting.
My closets are organized, the house is immaculate, and I feel free as a bird. I'm helping people like you; and I feel your pain, because I've been in your place. I'm coming back to myself. I work out, eat right, talk to my neighbors, and take long summer walks. Going to the beach next Sunday. I love the ocean.
I don't care if he wants me back anymore. I did at first, but you'll be surprised when you discover those feelings start to fade. If you loved him, you'll still miss him.
He just won't own your feelings anymore, and you'll find yourself again. There is no time-frame. It happens when it happens.
I send you hugs; and my best toward your swift recovery.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 June 2013):
 I think at this point, you need to change your thinking from "a break", which implies that he's taking a short and temporary sabbatical to "break up", meaning things have been over between the two of you for 7 weeks.
Up until 7 weeks ago, you HAD a 2-year relationship. You need to detach yourself emotionally from him, no more calls, visits, texts, questions, or searches for closure. Time to sever all ties and move on. Otherwise, 7 weeks will become 7 months with you hoping that he'll get back together.
He made a mistake asking for "a break", which is what some people say when they want out permanently but are trying to avoid the emotional firestorm. He wanted to break up, and now it is over. Grieve the final end of your relationship...and move forward as a single woman.
...............................
|
