A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 32 yr old single mum (my daughter is 15 years old) and I have been seeing a lovely guy for 4 months. I got a bad feeling that something wasn't right with him and I confronted him and asked him if everything was ok. He admitted that he isn't really happy and that the main reason is that his mother is very religious and that she will not approve of his relationship with a single mum. He is planning to tell her about me within the next day and he has said that he will ring me and tell me the outcome after. I am devastated and am worried sick about what is going to happen. I have very strong feelings for him and really enjoy his company. He says he enjoys my company too - but I don't know how to get over this problem or what to do if he breaks up with me. My heart will be broken. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I really hope we are all wrong - and that this guy's feelings are stronger than any other's opinion...and that together you can make things work!
If not - keep your chin up.
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. I'm so confused right now. Everything seemed to be going so well. I just cannot understand what has happened. I told him from our first date that I had a daughter and he said that it wouldn;t be a problem for him. But within a couple of weeks he had told me that he couldn't bring me to meet his parents yet because his mum's family are all brethern and they have extremely strict views on certain things. He is the same age as me but he has his own house - so I initially thought the apron strings weren't too tight. Now I am starting to think differntly. I have very religious views myself and I think that everyone deserves a second chance - even if they have done something in the past that you disapprove of.
I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that this is the end of the road for us - and if it is I'll be truely devastated. But what else can I do. My daughter likes him and even asked me this morning if I wanted to bring him over for dinner and she would cook!! Dear help her - she doesn't know what is going on! I'm in work now - and trying to hold back the tears and concentrate on my work! Breaking up is definately a nightmare.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (2 July 2008):
The aunts and uncles are right...this guy is using "mummy" to fight his battles and allow him to cop out of acting like a grown up basically. I am all for a man respecting his mother and her opinion, but not at the expense of him never having his own thoughts or finding his own way in life. It's quite sad really!
If you have done nothing to deserve any "judgment' from him (or her) then he is gutless to even think of not giving you a chance because his mummy won't be happy!
I am afraid the other poster is right, mummy will always be putting her 20 cents worth into his affairs...this is a red flag - if you do continue a r'ship with this man (boy?)you better be prepared for some battles...only you will know if you think he's worth it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): A real man does not need Mommy's permission to love a woman. If he is that type of guy, you are better off without him. His mother will ALWAYS come first... I would imagine he is roughly your age? And I bet he has never been married before, and doubtful he has had a real relationship with any woman as long as Mommy rules the roost.
I agree with the other poster..run for the hills.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): You and your daughter are a unit, a family. He and his mother seem to be a similar unit, another family. Your daughter is 15years old, you need to take some consideration of her feelings when you start a relationship. Your guy loves his mother and has to consider her feelings when he begins a new relationship.
Now the similarities about your situation end. Your daughter is a child, she depends on you to keep her alive. Your guys mother is an older woman, she shouldn't need him to keep her alive. Your daughter concerns could be valid especially if she might end up living with this man. Your guys mother is an older woman, she only has the right to object if you and your daughter go to live with her.
She's religious, well then she should go to church and ask forgiveness for her lack of kindness. If his mother's religion is more important than his feelings for you, then he really isn't worth a dime and he's not as "nice" as you think. Give him time, see what he says if she disapproves and tells him to break the relationship off. If he can't learn to stand up to his mother and wishes to sacrifice his happiness for her "religious beliefs" then you and I both know that he's not the man for you.
I'm not sure how old he is, but seriously. He needs to ask his mother permission first before he has a relationship with you. Dose she also wipe his nose and backside and help him wash his "tinkle". Devil's Spawn is right, this guy is a "mummy's boy", I'm just hopping that he loves you enough to break away and grow up.
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A
male
reader, Devil Spawn  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Mummy's boy. Run for the hills
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A
male
reader, no_issues  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Tell his mother to be thankful this isn't the age of the Old Testament, when your brother-in-law would be required to impregnate you and your daughter would be obliged to sleep with your man if you were die from, say, being turned into a pillar of salt.
She should count her blessings.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 July 2008):
 If he breaks up with you then he isn't the lovely guy you hoped for. Basically you may have feelings for him but he is a grown man who should make his own mind up about his relationships and not be overly influenced by his mother. If he is hiding behind her apron strings now it spells disaster for your future happiness as she is bound to interfere in other relationship matters. It is ok to take advice from a parent but it is up to him to decide if he stays with you. My parents really disapproved of my now husband to the point where they refused to meet him until after we were married and stopped speaking to me for ages - they had all sorts of preconceived ideas that he was after money, a visa etc. They have come around to liking him now but my point is that if I had been influenced by them at the time then my life now would be much different. If your man walks away just accept he wasn't right for you and if he stays then hopefully it will all work out for you pair.
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