I am a 48 year old widow who met a man at work. I have been dating this guy for almost a year. He is the one that insisted on us seeing each other and being committed. He plans on marrying me even though he has not asked. The problem is that he has a son who is almost 23 years old. I have 2 daughters who are 22 and 17. I can balance a relationship with my boyfriend and my daughters without making my boyfriend feel that he is second best. My boyfriend cannot. He always makes me feel second best when he is with his son... who he still supports. The son does not live with my boyfriend but with his mom. When my boyfriend gets with his son, he blows me off. It really hurts because I don't do this with my girls and him. He is really sensitive when it comes to his son and gets defensive when I say anything about this... so I try to avoid the situation but I don't like being put last. I was married for 20 years and my husband never made me feel like this. What should I do... ? End he relationship and move on or should I keep going on like this and hope he will change which I doubt since he is 56?
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at work, move on
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008):At 56, it's very unlikely that this man is going to change. So you have to decide if you want to continue to be second, or if you need out. Of course a parent loves their children, but I don't see why he can't make time for you, and why he has to make you feel like you are not important. And its sad that you say you have talked to this man and he still continues to follow this pattern. I'm sorry, but if it was me, I think I'd look for someone who will appreciate you, and can make room in his life for you and his children, without either party suffering. If you two do marry, and he continues to act this way, can't you see where it will lead? Possible fights, resentment, etc... is that what you really want to have to deal with? It shouldn't be that way.
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