A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together for almost three months now. He's a really charming guy but it really gets on my nerves when he tells me about other girls hitting on him and being smug and all about it. He says he likes it when I'm jealous and it makes him feel wanted. Granted, I do get jealous, especially when the girl he tells me about has no qualms about going out with attached guys while being attached herself. Is it wrong for me to feel that he's really immature about this whole thing? I get a lot of attention from guys as well but I never 'flaunt' or whatsoever to him and even when I do tell him about a guy who's interested in me, it's to assure him that I am not a tad interested in the other party at all but my guy only seems to want to make me jealous. My guess is that it stems from a low self esteem he suffered when he was with his ex who broke off the engagement and I've really been trying to be understanding about things but how do I voice out my displeasure when he is so egoistic? Am I not being understanding enough? I feel like whenever he talks about those girls, I feel like I'm not good looking or nice enough for him. Please help!
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his ex, immature, jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): well, this might sound childish, but i would try reverse psychology. we females are so confusing to males that it would work. tell him that things make you jealous that really don't make you jealous at all, and play it off so he can get his little ego boost. then instead of doing the things you do that boost his ego when hes flirting and you're getting upset, find another way to respond that makes him feel like he looks stupid when he flirts like that and he takes female strangers too seriously, and regardless of their reaction, a lot of them probably view him as a perv. maybe hell think that most girls secretly agree, and he wont do it for fun anymore even when youre not around. it might take some reading up on the male view points to hit, and it sounds childish, but this is what i would do.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 Next time he mentions another girl hitting on him: "Oh how nice for your ego, that must be a huge boost. Are you still feeling low about your ex? Well, when you get over that, I'm sure that will a great day. So, now that we've talked about that topic again, let's move on to something else, like, where are we going for dinner?"
I'd just ignore whatever he says about being hit on, frankly. Look blank or bored. If he keeps it up, well, that will tell you that maybe he needs more ego boosting, but keep that separate from when he talks about the girls hitting on him.
It may be that he's one of those guys who need constant ego-feeding. You'll have to decide if that's the kind of guy you are happy to be with. All you can do is give him time to settle down and relax into the relationship. This will either resolve or he'll continue.
"Jay, you are a really great guy and I think you are hot and sexy. If I didn't, I wouldn't be dating you. I want you. What makes me feel sad for you is that you seem to think that trying to make me jealous about other women is somehow a good idea. The only thing that does is make me feel bad. Do you want me to feel bad? Is that your goal?"
Save that above paragraph for a later conversation if your strategy of ignoring his hit-on updates doesn't work.
One other thing. Stop mentioning when guys hit on you. I think that may be at the root of it. You may not intend it, but he may perceive you as being smug about that as well.
Just agree, the two of you, that you are dating exclusively and that any outside attention from others isn't really necessary to report to the other, assume it as a given, as apparently both of you are magnets for it.
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