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He lies about small things, what else does he lie about??

Tagged as: Pornography, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 December 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 December 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

MY bf of one year lies to me. Its only small lies like, im going to bed now when he is playing on his playstation and things like im now at work when he isnt. Just silly little things. The other day he lied to my face, even though he knew that i was going to catch him out, he had been looking at pron on my laptop. Im worried he will lie about bigger things. I feel so hurt that he lies, there was a lot of lies in my childhood and i swore never to be like that. He lies even though he knows i will find out.

Its getting to the stage where im getting so moody and not believing anything he says. Im really sick of it. I dont understand why he has to lie to me. The thing about porn, i do not like him looking at it, well i dont mind if we are together, but he tries to hide it from me. He had an addiction problem with porn and now im scared its back, every time i go in the shower he looks at it, he tries to get me to go out so he can look at it. Anyone got any advice i feel like i cant cope with this anymore.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008):

The small silly lies he tells, are common with men, who do not wish to hurt their partners. You don't like porn, and just to please you he says he will give up. He doesn't want to, so he keeps looking at it and then lies so you won't make a fuss.

The other things he lies about probably fit the same pattern. If people feel that they are not accepted and they must change their ways to please their partners, they either try and fail and then lie about it. Or they lie and keep things about themselves secret. You can't change people, you can only change yourself. Your partner lies, because he doesn't feel that you will be happy with the things he dose. If your relationship was more open and he felt accepted then the lies would stop.

You and him like different things, you have different views about life. He's not strong enough to stand up to you and tell you that your opinion is different from his, so he lies about it to protect your feelings instead. No man is brave enough to say "yes, your bum looks fat in that dress"... Finish the relationship and find somebody that is more compatible with you. He will find somebody that is more suitable for him as well, and then the problem of little lies will then stop. He's the wrong guy for you, but check yourself as well. Are you guilty of trying to change people so they just hide secrets so they don't have to argue with you? If this is the case, then you might find yourself in a similar situation again. People lie when they feel forced to.

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A female reader, Minxy68 United Kingdom +, writes (14 December 2008):

Wow! how many lies do you have to listen to before you realise that hes gonna keep on lying. Little lies, big lies, they are all the same. If anyone can, lie well then it doesnt stop at little lies. Move on, youre young you should be happy and not have to put up with anyone making you second guess all the time. You mentioned that you had lies growing up.......why take them now. Break the chain.

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A female reader, Too Sensitive United States +, writes (11 December 2008):

Maybe he is a compulsive liar. Maybe that's how he lives his life. That is not good - I would say that's a huge problem. If he lies about small things consistently, he will lie about bigger things that are much more important.

And lying about viewing porn is not acceptable - that is a big thing to me. Esp. b/c you have stated that he had an addiction to it in the past. Goodness, you and he are so young to be going through this issue already.

If you were older and in a living arrangement with him or married, I would suggest counseling to help him get back on track. Regardless, if this is an addiction for him, then that is the only hope of fixing it.

However, b/c of your age, I would suggest ending it and moving on. This is too big of an issue for you to have to be dealing with. It's not healthy. I would say he needs to work on this issue by himself without involving you. He may not want to work on it, though.

If you can't cope with it and his behavior is unacceptable to you, drop him and move on, please, for your sake and sanity (I know I would). You deserve someone who tells you the truth, always, and someone who gives you honesty, not someone who lurks in the shadows with a secret, addictive habit. Not someone who lies to you about anything and everything. It's a matter of principle, sweetie. You know what your principles are - so settle for nothing less when it comes to other people.

Good luck to you, and let us know how you make out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008):

Never trust people who lies about the small things, they will also easy lie about bigger and more important things.

For them it is so normal to lie, don't think that you can change them, because you can't.

Good luck

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