A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have know my boyfriend since we were 13 years old. I have had a very close friendship with him on and off. We are now 23 and have been dating for 4 months steady. we had dated for 7 months last year and broke up because we weren't ready to be as commited. We have now professed our love and are generally happy with each other. I found out through reading his facebook messages that he met up with an old friend (female) last weekend. He told me he was working late and to go to bed and not wait up for him. Well I waited up and called and texted until 3 am (he works late late hours) and he never replied or called. The next day he said he got stuck working until 3 and left his phone in the car and was so tired on his way home that he didn't think to reply or thought I was asleep. Turns out from the messages he met up with this girl and her girl cousin and bought them dinner. The cousin emailed him (15 year old girl) and said thanks for dinner and such. He was very nonchalant about it so this gives me comfort that nothing happened more than eating. What bothers me is that he lied. I don't know to bring this up to him, we've had issues of me going through his phone in the past but I've always found something we I did go. I'm confused because I felt he was it for me. How can I bring this to him in a neutral way and is it worth it for me to work on this relationship any more? I know I don't give him anything to worry about.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 I don't know if anything happened, but if he didn't have anything to hide, he wouldn't have lied. I don't think he did anything necessarily, but he lied meaning there was probably more to this than he says. And what could they have been doing together until 3 AM? Not eating, that's for sure. I don't think you should badger him about this particular incident, but keep a really close eye on him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): No..you shouldn't be worried, but Yes, you should take this as a red flag.Moreover, it is not your resp. to convince him to be "netrual." However, it is your bf's resp. to be honest and up front...he should be telling the truth when asked and not keeping secrets such as this one. How come he didn't invite you to the dinner? It seems as though the old "female friend" brought a guess with her. Why did he lie about where is was going and who he was meeting up with? Why is it all of a sudden he is in contact with this female "friend?" Something doesn't sound right about this and if I were you, I would keep a close eye on him but don't make it obvious...do it in a subtle way, watch the way he acts, what he says and etc. Although nothing happened more than "eating" you knows where this can lead to in the future? Lying really bothers me b/c in my mind you are a snake in the grass, you can't be trusted, you have something to hide and lying in a relationship setting bothers me even more.
You need to take action, but don't make it too obvious and don't contact the female friend or cousin...if you believe in God, pray to him and by all means, pay attention to your gut feelings.
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