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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating my fiance for 4 and a half years and it was a bit tough first year cos we were tryng to get to know each other from different backgrounds. He is a sound engineer, I'm an artist musically. I'm really not sure what the problem is right now but lately his complaints have been, dont be free with mr A or mr B. If I decide 2 do something for myself, he tells me oh don't worrie I'll do it for you and when we have a little misundstanding he'll say "after all I've done for you" and violence comes in. He tells me I'm going to kill you before I kill myself but you know what... he tells me he loves me and I know but what do I do? I can't say everything but Im sure you grasp. Thanks. N
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female
reader, Angel Whispers  +, writes (17 July 2007):
I agree with the previous answer. Yes get out now. He is messing with your head and is destroying your self esteem. He will wear you down until you will think no-one else will want you. He is the typical abusive partner. It will only get worse until he uses physical violence against you. He will keep saying he is sorry he loves you and asking you to forgive him and give him another chance. They rarely change unless they have intense specialised counselling. He is an abusive control freak! You deserve better.
A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 GET OUT. If the words "kill you" or "kill myself" are part of your arguements, then this man is DANGEROUS. He is a ticking time-bomb.
You need to get really scared.
Do NOT marry him. Do NOT continue to live with him if you are now. And do NOT have any more contact with him for the time being.
GET OUT. You need help and so does he. But you do not need to get help together right now.
There is no rush to get married.
Good luck. Listen to everyone who has commented.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (17 July 2007):
Hi there,
This is a blunt reply, but now is not the time for airy-fairy talking. You love him, but if violence is involved, you should get out now. Violence gets worse as time goes on, it never just goes away. He is also trying to control your life in other ways, telling you who you can speak to, wanting to stop you from doing things for yourself. He will get worse. He will try to convince you that it is all your fault. He will wear you down until you lose all sense of self. This sounds really, really scary to me, and I hope that you will realise that your safety and even your life may depend on you walking away before it is too late.
Please don’t ignore this reply because it isn’t what you want to hear. Plan in advance where you can go, and leave. You don’t need to be polite about this – just get out. He lost the right to any consideration of his feelings the very first time that he hit you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): OMG!! leave him!! but then again, have you spoke to him about it? if not talk to him about it, tell him your concerns, that you would like to do stuff by yourself but even more you have no right to go through that and even more if you have kids they have no right to watch their parents go through that. If he continues after talkin my opinion would be to leave him.
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