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He just doesn't get it so I ended it!

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 January 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 January 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I just broke up with my boyfriend over an argument that started 2 weeks ago. We were in a restaurant having a conversation and we started disagreeing on something. He started "calling bullshit" on what I was saying and when I tried to explain what I meant, he just wouldn't let me speak. We were finished eating so I got up and started walking back towards the car because I was upset that he didn't even give me a chance to talk.

We get in the car and we go on arguing so I start tearing up. Then he starts laughing uncontrollably, which makes me even more upset because it's absolutely disrespectful to laugh when I'm crying and when he's laughing it's impossible to talk to him. Personally I think it's fucked up.

We get back to my place and I'm mad until the next morning. So he goes back to his parents house (he was going to stay the weekend at my place, it was a Friday night).

Since then, I have tried to talk to him by email and on the phone but he still maintains that he didn't do anything wrong. He said that he just laughs a lot and that he was laughing at the absurdity of the situation. It took him 2 weeks to apologize which was like pulling teeth. When we talked about it on the phone, it was like arguing all over again. He just doesn't get it so I ended it.

Do you guys think that his behavior was acceptable? I just don't understand why he doesn't own up to anything and still argues back. We've been together 3 years and are both in our mid 30s.

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A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2015):

Midnight Shadow agony auntThen you're probably with the wrong guy and should end it; everyone deserves to be able to explain themselves before you cast any judgement, especially ones you claim to love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015):

Hi- I'm the OP. Yes, we often don't see eye to eye and what really upset me in that situation is that he wouldn't let me finish. I wanted to explain my side of the story and he wouldn't let me talk. And he can be overpowering in situations like this. I'm not one to want to argue in public.

The reason why I cried is because I don't think it's ok to tell someone "I'm gonna call bullshit on that" and then not let them talk.

He thinks that it's absurd because "he can't silence me". But it's exactly what happened. And then when he saw me being sad about it, he laughed.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 January 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think he is ENTITLED to have a different opinion then you, and there is no NEED to cry because he doesn't agree. However, the whole bullying you and the belittle-ling is NOT OK in my book, not in public NOR in private.

My guess is he felt you turned on the tears when you didn't get you way, and THAT is why he laughed. And my guess is you TWO have have done this scenario before.

Trying to MAKE him apologize is ridiculous, and that is what you got (after two week) an "apology" he didn't even mean. He just apologized to shut you up. And THIS is why he doesn't THINK he needs to "own" up to anything.

You know you can BOTH be "right" and not agree. It shouldn't BE "my way or the high way".

You seem more focused on NOT agreeing with you, then how he treated you. I'd be more ticked off if my partner wouldn't "let" me explain my point of view, but I also do not argue in public. If my husband and I disagree (and we DO on many things) I will listen to his take n it, he will listen to mine and if neither of us feel "convinced" we agree to disagree.

I have no idea what you two argued about, but I just don't understand why you can't see HE is allowed an opinion EVEN IF you think his opinion is STUPID or INVALID. And VICE VERSA.

I have to ask is this the first time you two have broken up over an argument?

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A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2015):

Midnight Shadow agony auntDo you cry often? Or have these small arguments get dragged out more than they should?

I think, if it takes him two weeks to apologise and you even longer to get over it, maybe it's best you're not together.

What was the topic/issue in the restaurant?

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A female reader, kath35 United States +, writes (27 January 2015):

No it wasn't you definitely need to be in a relationship with someone who respects you and allows you to finish speaking and to the laughing at you that was also disrespectful and childish he doesn't seem like the great guy who would deserve to be in a a relationship with a strong caring responsible and respectful person like you I would say call it a loss but in my opinion he's the only one losing a great girl like you . You only gained a better understanding of how you should be treated and I admire your strength and courage for standing up for your self that's awesome I'm here for you always praying?? for you to find the prince charming you definitely deserve ??

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