A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A year ago I met this very attractive, unique man, whom I've admired and had a crush on for years. After we started seeing each other I realized I was deeply in love with him but he is not an easy person to love! He's been married twice, and engaged once a few years ago that ended horribly. He has three adult children and I've met them. They're great. He is an American but he is of a different nationality than I am. He was raised by a strict military father who was both physically and emotionally abusive. His mother is sweet but passive so I sometimes question his level of respect for women in general. He spent most of his youth roaming around, and partying with friends to avoid conflicts with his Dad, though he did go to college and received double major degrees and does an outstanding job in his field of work. He can be absolutely sweet and lovable at times, he's incredibly smart but very rebellious in nature. But during the times when things are going well between us, I realize how vulnerable he is, which makes me love him all the more -- but then at other times, he's verbally abusive and explosive and I wonder if he'll ever resort to physical violence like his Dad. It usually shows up when he's under stress(work or kids) and he always apologizes later and seems fine, but I have trouble getting over some of his melt-downs because I get my feelings hurt and I wonder if I'll ever get used to the two distinct sides of his personality. I've tried to tell him how I feel but he says I came from a sheltered background and was basically "spoiled" growing up, even though my family was quite poor and he knows that. When he's barking at me, criticizing me or throwing one of his fits, I want to pack my bags and get as far away from him as possible, but then he wins me back after he's calmed down because I see that sweet, cuddly lovable side that drew me to him in the first place and I feel like I've found my soulmate. I really don't want to be another woman who bails on him because I know he is a good person and he just needs someone to understand him, and love him in spite of his faults. I know I'm good for him and he loves me dearly, but he is the hardest person I've ever tried to love. Any advice?....
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): Hi love,
I just wouldnt take his barking attitude, i would simply walk away then who is left for him to criticize i no this is hard, i was married to a man who was in the para's and sometimes he would treat me like this but he didnt really have a gentle side. I was young when i married but as i got older id just walk away when he had a shouting fit either in another room or more than likely go out for a drive untill he had calmed down. To be verbally abusive to you if this carrys on will kill the love as you will be always on guard as to when the next explosion will take place. hunny sit down with him a try as hard as you can to explain how this makes you feel, as if it wasnt for this side of his behaviour you would be very happy, It has nothing to do with your background its his by the sounds of it and why should you take the abuse as your the one who is there for him and loves him you have to explain as best as you can how much this hurts you hope this helped a little TAKE CARE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXX
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